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azrael.
Eros lo que atraes.
You are what you attract.
You are what you surround yourself with. You are your surroundings.
Your past experiences will always have an impact on you, wether you're concious of it or not.
As much as you hate to admit it, you are your parents, you are that childhood friend you met in the park, you are the elementary school teacher who taught you to read, but most importantly, you are who you fall in love with.
That's why I refuse to do it.
To render myself to someone, to make myself so open, vulnerable to someone, to let my guard down completely and love blindly, knowing the possibility of a negative outcome yet not knowing it.
To be consumed by someone.
That, I'd always refused to do.
And I'd always been like that.
Ever since I was a child, I had refused to give up full control because I knew my father would take advantage of it.
Or I knew that my mother would wait to find me vulnerable and extort it, getting a reaction out of me that was "inexcusable" enough to beat me until I was curled up on the floor.
At the age of 7.
Which is why the control had to be mine.
That's why it's so new to me to have someone who seemed to crave it as much as I do.
Someone who is brave enough to look me in my eyes and deny me, knowing their very life is like a tiny red button, along with the lives of many others placed in the palm of my hand.
That's why it's so new to me when for the first time in my life I find it hard to control my urges for a woman.
I click on the up buttons, increasing the speed on the treadmill in my personal gym, my airpods in my ears, trying to forget about anything that had happened earlier that day.
I keep running, increasing the pace and breathing out with my eyes closed.
Why had I done that?
Flashbacks of me stepping closer to her smaller frame and looking down to see brown eyes looking back up at me, laced with something I couldn't decipher.
Those eyes trailing down to my lips, her head tilting forward with mine until we were close.
So close.
My train of thought is suddenly disrupted by the new presence I feel in the room. I slowly turn the speed down and turn to look at who was in the room, my high alert dropping when my eyes meet Diego's.
