Thoughts n Stuff

Three - Depression

This is just something I really need to write down.  Read at your own risk :)  Note that I'm totally fine and happy now.

Just to clear up (again), I'm not depressed.  And I know I'm still basically a fetus, but I still thought I'd write about this.

I've already said that I had a hard time accepting New Zealand and making new friends, and because of how crap I was feeling I started having other insecurities about my weight and looks.  It all added up to one big lump of sadness, and I'm not sure now if I was depressed or just really low, but it was a hard time.

Then I started blocking all the negative thoughts out of my mind like my old friends and the pain and hurt they were bringing, my uncle (who just pissed me off, we're cool now XD) and anything else that made me sad.  Then I got a lot happier.  I made new friends and I can hardly think about what I would be doing in Australia right now because of so much happiness happening :)  The internet has been great, too.

Anyway, this isn't about me.  

Basically, if you didn't already know, depression (according to google) is feelings of severe despondency and dejection.  It's the most common form of mental illness, and it can happen to anyone of any age.  

A lot of people have it harder than I did a few months ago, but my theory is that everyone's worst pain is different from another's.  For example, I was really sad about leaving my friends and being really lonely before I made new friends.  Another person, however, might have an alcoholic mother.  But to both of us, it's the worst we've ever felt.  

See where I'm coming from?

I hope you do.  

I'm not a person who tells people how they feel or what they're feeling, so to me I had to find a way of helping myself.  

So I started talking to myself.  

I hate keeping diaries of any sort, but I still have a file on my iPad that I write stuff in when I'm feeling down.  Talking to myself was the next option, and I took it.  I pretended there was another person listening to me, and basically told myself everything.  It helped, a lot.

The internet was my next main helper.  Not just Wattpad and Tumblr, but Phan.  Phan is a lot of it, actually.  Whenever I'm feeling slightly sad, I watch Dan and Phil and seeing how cute they are together makes me happy.

After doing those things, I noticed myself starting to open up to people a lot more, and consequently (somehow) made three friends.  

What I'm trying to say is that there are different things that make you happy.  Whether it be reading, writing, music or bloody flamingo dancing, I encourage you to try it.  This helped me so much for those few months.

There are ways of letting your feelings out that don't involve physically hurting yourself, too.  Write down your feelings on a piece of paper and burn it, punch something soft (not a baby), scribble on a piece of paper, anything.  (I scribbled on myself, fwi) Google it, and you'll find something.

If any of you are going through shit right now, then talk to me.  The cliche llama is here for you XD

That's really all I had to say.

As I said, I'm completely fine now.  Remember, though, that if you have it really hard don't criticize people for having it (what you think is) easy.  We only know our worst pain :)

Pixie out :)  

Stay strong and happy, my llamas.