GTFO of My Head

Chapter 9

Brady lay beside Maddie's warm body and stared at the ceiling. Sleep had evaded him. He was furious with himself. He was probably overthinking his brief slip of the tongue and he knew it. Every therapist he'd ever seen had told him he was his own worst enemy, that he was too hard on himself and that his inner monologue was as toxic as any abusive partner could be.

He also knew it wasn't fair to be angry with Maddie for not immediately returning the sentiment that had escaped his lips. They'd been clear from the start that emotions were never supposed to be involved and to be fair she'd done her best to persuade him not to cross that line from fucking to feelings and yet, here he was.

He'd taken out his mortification on her body. He had been far from gentle and had marked her with his teeth and bruised her silken skin with his fingers. He'd done everything he could to keep himself and her from coming to orgasm for as long as he physically could. That had only resulted in the best sex of his life and by her reaction, maybe hers as well.

And now he was lying there as the dark receded, clenching his teeth, his hands fisted at his sides, admonishing himself for something he meant, whether he had fully come to terms with that or not. He had no empirical evidence Maddie had heard or if she had, processed what he'd said. Being furious with her wasn't going to make her come to the realization that she was in love with him, only time could do that...if he was lucky.

Because being in a relationship with her would make him a lucky man. Of that he was almost certain. Almost because, as his bandmate had astutely pointed out, it was impossible to know if what he was feeling was real and if their relationship had a chance to survive in the real world if they didn't get out of the private bubble they were currently living in.

Sliding out of bed as silently as he could, Brady found a pair of jeans he'd left on the floor the day before and took them and his phone with him as he descended the stairs all the way to the basement. As he pulled the jeans on he had Alexa dial his manager.

"Always an early riser, good morning Brady. How goes the writing?" Will responded. Brady could tell that his manger was in his car. He could hear the roar of the big engine in the Aston Martin he'd likely bought with the proceeds from the last Arcane Angels album.

"Good, really good," he began. It was true, for the part Will cared about. "We have seven solid songs," he added, doing best to sound enthusiastic. He needed Will to be on his side.

"That's great to hear man. Just a couple more and it'll be time to get into the studio. I'm happy to hear that you're going to make deadline. I honestly didn't think you'd be this far along yet. I thought I'd have to be pushing you then giving you extensions," Will responded earnestly.

"Yeah I know, it's been going really good. I know I didn't expect to be this far along either but honestly we only need a couple more songs and you know me Will, I like to get into that studio vibe," he agreed, happy that Will had brought up getting into the studio.

"So when do you think that you'll be ready to get back here? I know Ronnie sent you some samples to listen to, but he told me he's excited to get into the studio with you. He was talking about different kinds of microphones to best capture your voice and I gotta say, it went mostly over my head but I was still impressed by his attention to detail," his manager chuckled.

"I know I might only need a few more days to get the other songs together but it would just be good to be working on the ones we have in the studio too," he began but Will interrupted him.

"Do you not like the stuff he sent? If there's someone else you want to bring in you need to tell me now," Will replied gravely.

"No, I do, I like some of the stuff that Ronnie sent but...I just think if I was there...," Brady interjected. He wanted to keep this conversation positive. It wasn't that he didn't like the music that Ronnie had put together so far, he just wanted to flesh it out, add more layers.