GTFO of My Head

Chapter 7

When Maddie woke she was alone in the bed and when she reached over to where his body should be, the sheets were cold. It occurred to her to be alarmed, that he might have drowned in the hot tub but it also occurred to her that if the worst had happened, it had happened hours ago and if she was going to face the cops and the coroner, she was going to do it showered, shaved and dressed.

On the way down the stairs she realized that the house seemed very still and very quiet. Too quiet. But when she looked out the patio doors, the cover was on the hot tub. Had he left after all? There was no sign he'd eaten anything. There were no dirty dishes in the sink. No half empty coffee cups. She was considering calling 911 when she realized the door to the basement was open.

Creeping down the stairs she heard his voice, muffled, but clear enough to know he was singing the lyrics she'd been working on when she fallen asleep. Frowning she sat on the stair, still holding firmly to the rail.

It was an odd feeling, she realized as she tried to decide whether to continue into the studio or run back upstairs and dive under the covers. On the one hand, as she always did when she sold one of her songs, she felt proud that something she'd written was being sung by someone with a powerful voice and fans that would listen to and stream the song. On the other hand, it was also like having someone read her diary filled with her most private thoughts and as a result, she felt a little violated.

She listened for a little while and decided not to go into the studio. That also felt like a breach of his privacy and two wrongs didn't make a right or something like that. She decided that she would have some coffee before she ragged on him for taking her song before she was finished with it and crept back up the stairs.

Maddie was curled up on the couch watching some old black and white movie with Katherine Hepburn sparring with Spencer Tracy, her second cup of coffee in her hands when Brady appeared at the top of the stairs.

"You're up," he noted, rubbing at his eyes with the back of one hand.

"Uh...yeah, it's almost ten," she agreed. He peered towards the television, frowned, and then headed for the kitchen. She watched him pour coffee into a cup and ladle several spoons of sugar into it and then he leaned heavily on the island and stared out the window. "You took my notebook." He blinked and slowly turned his gaze her way.

"Yeah...I wasn't going to but...that song...it's like you're in my head," he responded quietly.

"Or that we were both married to monsters," she replied with a sigh. He nodded and turned back to staring out the window. She watched him for a moment and then turned her attention back to the screen in front of her. She'd seen this movie or parts of it several times. The volume was on low. She didn't need the dialogue to follow along.

After a few minutes she felt him drop onto the couch beside her. She didn't look over. She wasn't mad, just perturbed and those two emotions were not the same thing.

"How do you do it? How do you forgive him?" he asked.

"I don't. I won't," she replied nonchalantly.

"But don't you have to...like...eventually? Like for your own mental health?" he asked. She smirked, shook her head and then took a sip from her cup. The coffee was almost cold. She put the cup down on the side table and picked up her phone.

"I think forgiveness is a lot of psychological mumbo jumbo. First of all; I think someone should actually be truly sorry and humbly ask for forgiveness and they need to recognize and take responsibility for their actions before you need to even consider offering forgiveness. Secondly it's still your decision on whether they are due forgiveness or not. In my case my ex would never ask because he's not the kind of person who accepts responsibility for his own actions and would never even think he's done anything wrong so in my case the whole conversation is mute. Your situation is entirely different and that is a conversation you need to have with Eden...when you're ready to of course."