The rock is damp beneath our feet as we stare down at the dark waves of the Pacific Ocean lapping the cliff below. I glance up at the star-filled sky. My phone, tucked into its waterproof pouch, tells me it's nearly one in the morning.
"I can't believe I'm about to do this," a voice mutters from beside me, and I glance over at Nikolas. "You do realize we could literally die, right?"
"You're over-exaggerating," I reply with a chuckle. "We're only twenty or thirty feet up. Looks higher than it is."
It had taken us a half hour to change into swim clothes in preparation for our trip—though swim clothes almost seems like the wrong term to use. While I'm bare-chested in my usual pair of trunks, Nikolas wears baggy athletic shorts and a sports bra, almost as if he hadn't planned on swimming during his vacation.
It had taken us just as long to navigate our way up the jagged stack of rock we now stand on. I had sought it out as the perfect diving board for the dare—though with the breeze ruffling my hair and reminding us how high up we are, I almost feel guilty for challenging Nikolas to partake in the stunt.
"This is insane." The boy beside me breathes, shaking his head. I can't help but notice the way his knees tremble, threatening to give out beneath him. Then he really would be falling into the ocean, I muse with a smirk, eyeing the the somewhat narrow ledge we stand on.
"It's no more dangerous than jumping into a pool," I assure him. "Divers do this all the time. This same ledge, even. It's a pretty popular jumping spot."
"Yeah, well, I'm not a professional diver."
"You don't have to be. Just... Jump up and out and you'll be fine. The biggest danger is really just hitting this rock itself. There are no rocks at the bottom, trust me."
"You haven't done a whole lot to warrant my trust." Nikolas mumbles, just loud enough for me to hear. I try not to let the words get to me, but I have to admit that they sting.
He's been through so much shit, I remind myself, falling silent. Even if I didn't directly cause it, I certainly didn't help. Cliff's a jerk, sure, but I should have done something to try and stop it. And I should have surrounded myself with better friends... Like Nikolas. Why did I ever let the two of us grow apart? He's just as kind and funny as I remember, even if he does hide behind a thornier exterior than before.
I release a breath, nodding slowly. I let my gaze drift to the ocean beneath us. "That's okay. But... Just trust me this once. I swear on my life that you'll be alright."
Nikolas laughs shakily. "I can't believe I agreed to this."
"Hey, I'm not making you do anything. It's just a dare. If you don't feel up for it, we can climb down and go back to the hotel. Seriously, it's up to you."
Out of the corner of my eye, I see the boy shake his head. "No... No, I said I'd do it. It's truth or dare, right? That means full truths, and no backing out."
"I mean, I'd be willing to let it slide just this once, even if you would be breaking the years-old rules..."
He snorts out a laugh. "I've never been much of a rule breaker."
"Yeah, I know," I can't help but chuckle. "You never have."
When Nikolas falls silent, staring down at the water below, I clear my throat. His eyes lift to meet mine, however hesitantly.
"Look," I murmur, forcing myself to drop the humor for a moment. "You can do this. You are one of the bravest people I know. Actually, you might be the bravest person I know, full stop. You've gone through some terrible, horrible things, and I can't even pretend that any of it was okay—because it wasn't. But... You kept your head up through all of it. Somehow, you got through it and you came out the other side even stronger and braver than before." I swallow. "If I was in that situation, I don't think I'd be here right now. I don't think I would have had the impossibly strong will you have. I don't think I would have come out of that and still remained positive. But you did. And you're true to yourself, and other people. That takes guts."
"I doubt I'm nearly as brave as you think," Nikolas whispers, his gaze still fixed on mine. "Even nowadays, it's... Hard. Most of the time, I'm just pretending."
"Isn't that what it means to be brave?"
His eyebrows furrow, uncertain, but I don't miss the glimmer of something hopeful in his brown eyes. "Seriously? You're a famous rock star, and you think I'm brave?"
"Far braver than me," I agree. "I think, if you want to do this, make the jump, you can. You're such a badass, Nikolas. I wouldn't have dared you to do something like this if I didn't think you could. You've just got to gather up that courage that I know is in there."
A look of amazement passes across Nikolas' features. "Why do you do this?"
"What?" His question isn't one I expected. "Do what?"
"I don't know," he replies, flinging his arms out to either side. "Any of this. You do all of these risky, attention-grabbing things. You always have to be someone, whether that's a class clown, or mysterious celebrity, or, I don't know..." He shakes his head, meeting my eye again. "You're trying to get me to leap off of a cliff into the ocean in the middle of the night. And, somehow, you're playing the role of life coach."
"I'm not sure what you mean."
"I'm probably explaining it wrong," Nikolas continues after a moment. "Just... You're always doing these big, flashy things. It's like you have to be the center of attention all the time. Nothing is ever low-key with you, Axel. And, frankly, it's kind of annoying. So... I guess I just want to know why."
I cross my arms over my bare chest, glancing out at the sea again. "Honestly, because... What else do I have?"
A confused smile tugs at Nikolas' lips, there and gone in a flash, as if my words were the punchline to a joke he doesn't understand.
"Well, you know. The whole falling-out with the band and everything. Being a musician like this, it's... Never as perfect as I try to make it seem. Maybe that's part of it. I feel like, if I distract people from what's actually happening, then they'll still see me as someone worth liking, someone deserving of all of my fans." I tap my fingers across the skin of my upper arm, shrugging. "I don't know. I've never tried to put that into words before. I just feel like I have to play a character for people to like me, y'know? A long time ago, I established this reckless, humor-loving character. So... That's me, as far as my fans know. Sometimes it's hard to know what's me, and what's just the act I'm putting on."
Nikolas hums thoughtfully. "Why try so hard to get people to like you? I just don't understand. Why put on an act all the time? Isn't that... Exhausting?"
"Yeah," I breathe. "It is."
"So... Why?"
"People love me, but they're never in love with me. Y'know? I have fans that are completely obsessed with me, but... They don't know me enough to truly care."
Nikolas is silent for a moment. I glance toward him as he steps a bit closer to the rocky ledge, studying the drop. His toes grip the edge of the rock below our feet. I watch as he consciously pulls his shoulders back, standing up a bit taller as he readies himself to make the jump. Before he does, he turns back to face me, an almost-shy smile curling his lips.
"Y'know, when we were still friends, before everything that happened... I really liked you. Like, I was crushing hard."
Before I have any time to fully fathom what Nikolas just admitted, the boy leaps off of the rock, hurtling down to the water below. I stand stock still for a long moment, watching him drop with wide eyes. Bewildered, I follow suit.
YOU ARE READING
A Second Verse | ONC 2024
General Fiction| ONC 2024 SHORTLIST | Nikolas Hoffman just wants to lay low. After coming out as transgender in high school, he made a vow to draw as little attention to himself as possible, diving headfirst into his work as a copy editor as soon as he graduated c...
