The girl I lost in the darkness

I miss you.

April 11, 20xx

"My Dearest Venus,

It has been five years since I have left our small town to venture out and  practice my profession at the city. It has been that long since I have last spoken with you, heard your voice, seen your smile, and felt your warm embrace.

How are you doing? I haven't been feeling ecstatic lately let alone feel any sort of happiness in my life. The nine-to-five job I tirelessly throw myself upon with my brother has left me nothing but dread and resentment towards the profession I once loved so dear. I feel no sense of fulfilment and I cannot make myself appreciate the work that my parents have bestowed upon us.

In respite, I find solace and comfort from melancholic music, particularly that of jazz piano ensembles you hear on cafes. Instead of the loud and crowded bar Hanz and I  usually go to, I have managed to change our habit of drinking -- from alcohol to coffee. I find this change quite enjoyable, though... I cannot say the same for my brother. He is, however, learning to like his cup of coffee, preferably americano. Personally, I like creamy lattes.

I've also taken into liking, once again, reading books. My busy work has consumed me more often than not and leaves me no room for contemplation. Lately, because of the help we are getting from neighboring law firms, I find myself with plenty of time that I can use for recreational activities. Preferably so, I've dedicated these times reading journals and diaries as of late. I find it comforting to read someone else's thoughts on the most mundane to the most controversial of things. It feels like I get to peek deep inside of their minds, the crevices of their heart, and into the windows of their soul.

Despite all the mindless escapism I distract myself with, I cannot seem to forget you. It's already been so long. You're already happy with someone else, you have found great success with your work, and you have found a safe haven in someone else's embrace... yet, my bleeding heart still yearns for you. Why? Why does it insist on shouting your name every day that I am awake and living in this world?

I am for certain that you have already forgotten about me and I don't want to rob away this happiness that you have so carefully and delicately built with another man.

Am I just a footnote to your life now? A chapter forgotten? A character neglected, nonchalantly left out as an afterthought?

Perhaps, this is a fitting punishment for the sin I have committed against you. I have abruptly left you without proper closure. The book we have written together, happily and joyously, suddenly ended in the middle with no ending in sight.

Although, I still remember the peaceful ending we've crafted: us living peacefully on a small house in an island, surrounded with a garden of lilies and sunflower whilst we watch our children play enthusiastically on the grass as we sit beside each other drinking tea on the porch. What a happy life. Don't you think, my Love? Sadly, the chances of it happening are now slim to none.

Rumors say he is a good man, the one you are with now. A little bird once told me that perhaps the two of you are fit together -- perfect for each other. I can only wish the two of you a happy life. And if it comes down to it, I might find the courage to attend your wedding in the future. Only God knows what destiny the universe will bestow upon us.

I love you, still. I can never find myself to forget you. All the things we have done, the moments we shared, the cries and laughter of yesteryears will forever be embedded in my memory. And when I find myself longing for love, I can always go back in time and relieve moments when I was still a young and happy chap filled with love and adoration.

I do thank you for everything. I will never forget. And I will always love you.

Yours truly,
Apollo.

P.S. I am going back to my hometown and will stay there for a while. Perhaps, if time does not forbid us, we can see each other again.

~ ~ ~

I gently fold the paper and slide it inside a white mail envelope. I lick the stamp and glue it in front.

Picking up my pen once again, I write the following:

Fr. The Sans & Co. Attorney's Office
To. Venus

I reach out for the drawer below my table and take out a cigarette. With a matchstick, I carefully light its tip and puff out smokes, eventually filling my office.

I walk near the window and pull the curtains. I watch the cars move and the people walking by in front of the office.