Holy Curse • Jeong Yunho

Diary Entry One

Diary Entry One

10th January 2023
Tuesday

     Every once in a while, I lose courage to pick up this book and scribble my thoughts in it. However, this night in particular, had tested my vigour. It would mean something to me, if I'm so desperate to use this diary for its real purpose.

I just wanted to write something. Let out these inner voices trapped in my mind. They keep screaming and crying. Every day they push me to my edge, coercing such a beautiful thought of death. I won't take my life just yet. After all, I've been through hell. Death will mean nothing if I get to spend my afterlife in the same gehenna I had been enduring for the past three years.

It was unlikely and true, for how my life turned out to be because of one stupid decision a few years ago. I did involve myself with a couple of wrong people. When you're blinded by lust and superficial craving for sex, you're too gullible to every word spoken out of affection, and love. You are drawn by the senseless gratification, turning a blind eye on the truth, and the consequences it holds. There are people who seek pleasure from your vulnerability. Sadly, my susceptibility had been targeted by one such person who forced me to walk through hell.

Yes. That lover of mine is a cult leader. Surprise surprise. Jeong Yunho was the flame I was drawn to. From the day he entered the store, I had a certain inclination towards him. Something about him attracted me, something about the way he gandered at me through those lust-filled eyes, it was a little farfetched—the seemingly growing attraction we had for each other. He was an enigma, and I longed to unravel his stories. Only to find out his stories are cloaked with darkness and no spark of hope.

Though, one should know when to give up on a quest, which seemingly brings them to their own ruination. I should've known sooner, and for the better too. Giving up on him and his secrecy. Not indulging in the little mind games, he played. But I consumed myself with quite the opposite of it. I strayed away from the people who cared for me and divulged in the ones who saw me as nothing but a puppet to toy with.

I would actually contradict myself; these people were more than affectionate to me. Seonghwa was a kind man, albeit his bloody kink—I've had my fun with him, but his lust for blood was more pronounced by the way he'd sink his teeth into my flesh. Jongho would always offer to rub my back when it'd be one of those days during the month; he too has his kink, an obsession with somnophilia. And Yunho...He'd go above and beyond to bring a smile on my face. He was beautiful in his own way, given his dark past and the sins he's committed. Love makes you blind, it's true; I could never justify his behaviour, the ritual he performed, the lives he took because I was so in love with him. There are countless little things to be thankful for, the efforts they all take to make my life a little better. These three souls had plagued my dreams, my life, and I'm sure I'd find them bounded to me even in my afterlife.

But that is not why I was compelled to start writing in my diary. Rather, it was because of a certain person. I would question Yunho several times, after our passionate nights together, about his family. He'd shrug and distract me with what he was good at—I'm not proud for giving into his tricks, into his cursed touches which made me want more of him. It went on, and I was kept in the shadows for the same; until one day he acquainted me with his father. Mr. Jeong was on his deathbed. We only spent a few hours together. In that span of meagre hours, he opened a window for me to peruse and a new world emerged from it.

And so, the world stays in my recollection. The sights he spoke of, the theories he composed, the songs he sang; I would never forget them, or him as a matter of fact. He's gone now. To a better place. But his stories, the credible tales, they all stayed with me.

His last words to me, however, are stuck in my mind. A broken record replaying, chanting the words...

"Please take care of my son."