A paperclip.

I don't remember very well, on how I get social to people I am close to, on how I am all a sun's appearance In front of them, on how I get attached to people like a paperclip. Finding them, reading them, talking to them, relating to them, smiling and laughing with them. That's all I need to do to be with them. Though I wish it stayed the same. People won't really be the same every single time you talk to them. It's either their mood, appearance and maybe how busy they are. Sometimes I don't feel enough, I feel like I'm not filling up their empty holes in their heart. I feel like I'm just a dot there. I hold every memory of them. But they would slowly forgot as they fade away and disappear from them.

But what hurts a lot to me personally is when they are having better time with other people. No I'm not jealous, mad, hating on them. It hurts to see them so happy with other people. I wish I could say this in another way where I don't sound jealous or mad. Seeing their smile, wider than how they smile at me. Seeing the affection and how they speak to the others. Seeing the sudden change in them hurts, they would slowly look at me as if they had never used me or talked to me. Like a paperclip.. I wish things stay the same, why won't they stay the same? Is it because of me? Am I too much for them? Do I do enough?

Seeing them walk away with the other people's clip and then throwing me away. Then they will come back. To use me, to talk to me. I feel special but once I find out they just lost their paperclip, I wasn't important to them. I was just a spare paperclip. That they found in their life. Using me to hold their papers for a while until their main paperclips returns. I don't like it. Not at all. I hate being an option. Never the choice.

I try being a paperclip to someone else's life. But I can't. I would only be temporary until they found a new one. I have recently made a friend. She was the best one. I thought I could stay with her, be her paperclip forever. But it didn't work. Her interests didn't match mine. She found other people with the same interests, she's now removing me. Out of her papers and using another one. I am used up. My colour is chipped up, my shape is not like my expectations. My curves are too pointy to carry. They're sick of me. I don't understand why they won't tell me. Why won't they tell me? There's a better choice than leaving me.

Just tell me what to change. I've tried hard enough to make you happy, make you feel comfortable, make you feel pleased with me. Can you just tell me? WHY CAN'T YOU TELL ME?! I can't leave you, I can't leave your side. Why are you telling me to move without a reason? Tell me why won't you like me like how you did before. Am I becoming weird, annoying? Why won't you let me close to you? Why are you removing me from your paper? I just wanna make you proud and hold your papers. Why can't you let me hold them? I could hold them for my whole life. I may be useless but I am a paperclip.