As The World Ends

Chapter 13 - Hospital Beds and Headaches

I didn't want to open my eyes. 

My entire body felt numb and there was light flaring against my eyelids.

A clamor of noise grated against my brain like sandpaper and I wanted nothing more than for everything to stop.

Sadly, I didn't have the power to do that.

This isn't one of those old cartoons where the main character wakes up with the magic and saves the world.

Or is it?

Guess you'll have to wait and see.

:>

Anyway.

I didn't understand what was going on. My mind was a jumbled mess of pain and memories and more pain.

You'd think Aster would've had me drugged up, but nooooo. I had to "be able to feel everything" because "something might've gone wrong" and "pain equals progress". 

...

That's unfair. Aster saved my life. More than once.

You ever been stoned, like in that religious book that some people swear by? Then run over by a car? And then had a bear claw out your intestines? 

Me neither.

But that's pretty much how I felt.

I stayed like that for what could've been years, drowning in a pit of agony. Unable to comprehend anything that was happening around me.

At one point, I could make out a pressure on one of my hands. I forget which one, but I'm fairly certain it was my hand. Actually... no, it might have been my wrist. Does a wrist count as part of your hand?

Whatever. 

A pressure on my hand, which stayed consistent for as much of my recovery as I can remember.

That pressure is what kept me from losing my mind.

I assume it was Jasmine, since when I finally opened my eyes, they were sitting in a plastic chair next to me, head dropped against chest, gripping my hand so tightly that I'm surprised it wasn't blue.

The pain had lessened. Or maybe I'd been severely desensitized. Either way, I could wiggle my toes and clench my fingers without screaming. 

After running a self-diagnostic and determining that I was in one piece, I shifted my attention to Jasmine. To put it simply, they looked like shit. Their normally frizzy hair was limp, typically shiny skin was dull and sallow, and the bags under their eyes could've started a new luxury brand.

I just lay there for a while and stared at them, doing my best to memorize every feature even though I knew I would never be able to conjure up an image that could hold a candle to their brilliance. 

I didn't move or speak, even as I became aware of the feeling of thick gauze wrapped tightly around my arm. I allowed myself a moment of smug satisfaction. The more scars someone has, the more they're respected, and this brush with death gave me several new, flashy marks of suffering.

Looking back on it now, that was a really stupid mindset for me to harbor. During one of our training sessions, my mother once looked me in the eye and said "hindsight is a dangerous game, родной, and you should never play a game you can't win." She then proceeded to stab the hilt of her dagger into my chest, right over my heart, but that's not the point.

The point is that I used to be a fucking idiot, and you shouldn't listen to anything I said before Jasmine's incident.

Sadly, nobody learned that soon enough. Especially not Jasmine, seeing as they were holding my hand while I was lounging on the brink of death. 

Is that a bit dramatic? Eh.

It was a while before they woke up. At one point, I counted every second, but quickly gave up on that when I got distracted more than once by the dust particles dancing in front of the light that hung above us. 

My brain felt like it was pulsing against my skull, threatening to burst open and splatter everywhere.

...

That is a disgusting visual.

...

Sorry, I keep getting sidetracked.

Give me a moment to turn said brain off and then back on.

[Insert annoying and completely unnecessary computer noises]

There we go! Anyway, let's continue.

I had a pounding headache that resulted in me being unable to focus on or think about anything. Even when Jasmine finally woke up, I didn't notice until they squeezed my hand. 

My gaze shifted to meet theirs. Their eyes shone like copper and honey, sunlight and whiskey, onyx and amber. I was mesmerized for a whole three seconds before I got uncomfortable and looked away. 

"Hey," they whispered, scooting their chair closer to me. The metal scraped against the floor and I winced.

"Hey." My voice cracked. 

"How do you feel? Are you okay? Can you tell me what happened? Robin hasn't said anything about it and nobody else knows. Actually, I don't know if I want to know. Do you know how long you were unconscious for? You scared the hell out of me." Jasmine sucked in a lungful of air and looked down. "Sorry."

I blinked a couple times before responding.

"I'm fine, I guess. No, I don't know how long I was out for." I rubbed my forehead with my free hand and gave them a pained smile. "I'll tell you about everything later. Right now, some painkillers would be nice."

Guilt flashed across their face. "About that... Aster told me not to give you anything."

I groaned and dug my fingernails into my head, gritting my teeth. Jasmine tensed and seemed unsure of what to do. After a few moments, they reached over and gently pulled my hand down, twisting their fingers with mine. 

"Let's...not do that." An awkward silenced passed and they started playing with one of my rings, twisting it around my finger. "So, uh, you were out for a couple days. I didn't find out until day two." They paused to count out on their fingers. "That would be... six days? Something like that. Aster will be able to tell you the real number."

"Speaking of, where is she?"

Jasmine shrugged. "I dunno, I haven't seen her in at least a couple hours. Or a nurse, for that matter." They frowned. Then shrugged again. "I'm sure it's fine. We'd know if something was going on. Probably."

A raspy laugh escaped my chest. "Jay wouldn't leave me, and by extension, you. If it was life-threatening to either of us, then we would be in a vault somewhere."

Their frown twitched into a smirk and they squeezed my hands.

"How much longer will you stay?"

Jasmine leaned over and lay their head on my chest. 

"As long as you want me around."

"What if I want you to leave?"

It was a second before they answered. 

"Then I would look you in the eyes and tell you to say it." 

"Yeah?" My voice cracked. "You have a lot of confidence. I've only known you, what? A couple weeks max? What makes you stick around? What makes you think I want you around?"

They tilted their head so they could see my face. "You need someone to love you, and I need someone to love."

"You want to fix me?"

"No, you don't need fixing. Nobody does. I just want to show you how to love yourself."