Silent Hearts

Chapter 3.

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I've always wanted a love marriage. Since I was a little kid, I've always dreamt of the weddings they portray in romantic movies. Obviously, because I'm a huge fan of the 1990's-2000's romantic movies.

I remember the first time I watched 'My Bestfriend's Wedding' during the October month of my 10th grade. My only fear is that, I might have ended up like Julianne.

I don't want to be the one that watches the love of my life marry another woman, just because I was i was foolish enough to not confess. I so don't want to be the one walking down the aisle to another man, all the while, searching for my one true love in the crowd. That would be a sin. Not only would I end up ruining my life, but also the life of the man whom I will be marrying, not at all whole-heartedly.

Turns out I didn't ruin anyone's life except my own, by bottling up my emotions. Never a good choice, I tell you. Like I said, the possibilities of him and I keep haunting me in the darkest hours. I may not be marrying another man and searching for him in the crowd, but I sure as hell am the one watching him marry the girl of his dreams, knowing that it could've been us had I not been too foolish.

I've never experienced anything quite like what him and I had. It was confusing, but whenever we both were together, it was calming. I almost felt like I was at home. It used to take us a huge time to start a conversation, it was almost like, both of us were waiting for one of us to start the conversation. I strongly believe it was awkwardness. After the texts we exchanged in 8th grade, something in our friendship became distant. It was definitely awkwardness.

Even when his place got changed in 10th grade, it took no less than a week for us to start talking to each other except 'hi', 'bye', etcetera

It was almost a week ago since Kayden moved to the seat next to me and we still couldn't start a real conversation. It would always be greeting each other when we came to school or leave school or just, him borrowing my notes.

And I really didn't think today would be the day he would talk to me.

It was almost the third class of the day. It was Biology and the teacher had already assigned us the first assignment of the year. I was busy copying down the points for the assignment that I hadn't noticed Kayden looking at me.
At least, not until he called my name.

"Diana", i replied back with a "hmm?". I was busy copying down the points to even look up. "Dianaaa", i replied back with a "what?" And looked up at him, only to find him smiling at me. I gave him a wierd look, saying, "Uh, is everything good?". He just smiled at me and pointed towards the black board where the teacher was writing down the points. "What? Can you skip the sign language and use your mouth? I don't have all day before she erases the whole board?"

He just stared at me and said, "Are you for real? Are you seriously not able to understand what I'm trying to ask you?". We both stared at each other for about a good 30 seconds. Was he dumb? I mean, yeah, he is after all. But why would he point at the board and just smile at me?

Unless....

"No, you're not...?". He finally pulled back the smile he wore before. Yep, I knew what he meant. "You're kidding. No way, I thought you left this habit back in 8th grade?", "Well, does it look like I'm kidding?" he said.

Okay, let me tell you what exactly he was trying to tell me.

Back in 8th grade, he used to beg me to do his assignments so that he could get full marks for it. Written exams were never his strong game. So, he tried to increase his internals marks by having me do the assignments. In return, he used to buy me a good amount of expensive chocolates. And my family was very health-conscious, so they never got me much of chocolates or candies and stuff. So, of course, I agreed to do his assignments, back then. I just didn't expect he would still rely on me for that.
We were in 10th grade and I already had enough on my plate, to take up his plate too.

"Dude, no. I can't do it! I already have so much work of my own to do! We're not in 8th grade anymore! Look, I'll send you the information, you can just copy off of mine", to which he replied, "No! Come on! You know how bad I am at this stuff and I really need good internals because you and I both know, theory paper is not my cup of tea. So, please, Dee. I promis to buy you as many chocolates as you want. So, please please please. Won't you help your friend?". And he gave me the puppy eyes.

I never believed it when people said 'anyone can get any work done by giving the puppy eyes'. Personally, I believed that, there was no such thing as 'puppy eyes'. I always proved wrong, time and time again, by Kayden. This wasn't the first time he gave me the puppy eyes.

I used to be mad when I heard people 'giving into the puppy eyes'. I liked to believe that if you had control over your mind, nobody's puppy eyes could make you do something you didn't want to do.

At this moment, I scratched that thought from my mind. Puppy eyes definitely get things done. Especially, when they're coming from Kayden. I don't even know why I agreed to him, it was as if he cast a spell on me and I couldn't say no. Nevertheless, me agreeing, lit up a spark in his eyes. His smiled hos wide boxy smile, just as something grazed the walls of my heart. It was definitely the fluttering of the butterfly wings. The whole flock of them, which had been set free in my stomach.

God damned butterflies. They had to be sued for having so many people under their captivation. But the problem is, everyone enjoyed being their captives to complain about them. It was the Stockholm Syndrome of everyone's lives.

And that's how we both started to talk in 10th grade. That interaction seemed to have faded a bit of the awkwardness between us. Later that day, we had a free class, where him and I talked about Tara for a long time.
It was him majorly explaining how and what Tara had texted him that day. And for the first time ever, I felt uninterested in talking to him.

During the 8th grade, i was the most enthusiastic person whenever he started talking about Anna. But now, I couldn't bring myself to feel anything about Tara and his whole situation.

He told me about how Tara had sent him a pick up line yesterday, how she insisted on playing a game of truth or dare with him and stuff like that. I couldn't really pay attention even though, I was looking at him dead in the eyes.
I was supposed to feel happy for him, right? But I just couldn't? Or maybe I could? I can't even express in words what I felt at that moment, but I sure did realize after getting home and thinking about the day, that I actually hated Tara. Why? I couldn't point my finger on the real reason, but I knew I did.

Looking back at it now, I think the real reason why I did his projects and assignments was because I loved to see his smile whenever I agreed to do it for him. And I couldn't even realize this about him, until now.

I've heard many authors and poets describe their love towards the smiles of their significant others. Most of them talk about how a girl's smile could practically light up the whole world. There have been very few instances where I've found a person describing a boy's smile.

I'll make my description now.

His smile was like the glow of sunrays after a heavy rain, which caused the rainbows. His smile was like the first touch of rain on a desert. His smile was like that of a child's when it recognizes it's Mother. The feeling of seeing his smile was the same as the feeling of snuggling into your lover's arm in the couch on a chilly evening. The feeling of seeing him smile was like that of waking up from a coma and getting to see the world again. What I'm trying to say is, the feeling of seeing him smile, was equivalent to rebirth for me.

When he smiled at the silly jokes I used to make, when he used to smile everytime he teased me about something, when he used to smile because the reason was attached to me, will always be the best phase of my life.

And while I might miss seeing him smile for me, smile at me, smile to me, all I need to do is close my eyes and replay back his smile that is engraved in my mind forever.
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