as long as your next to me - malachi barton

beautiful with room to grow

it's been almost 2 months now and soon i'm gonna be flying to new zealand. malachi, mk, and freya have already flown there. i've been really busy with tour and stuff but i'm now in seattle onto my 2nd to last one and it's been a blast. i have really fun things planned for my last concert in Auckland new zealand that i'm working on. me and malachi have been doing okay, we facetime and text a lot, i just wish i was with him yk.

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"Beautiful with Room to Grow" - Cassie Canoa 2023 tour

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i picked up my phone on the way to the Showbox which is the stadium i'm gonna be performing at and facetimed malachi.

the phone rang for a little bit, but he didn't pick up.

maybe he's just busy.

i clicked off of facetime and went onto tik tok to entertain myself on the car ride to he stadium. when i opened tik tok and scrolled a bit, i saw an edit of malachi and clicked on the comments.

comments:

gahhhdge2736: GAW DAYUM😍😍

loganburll2: if i was malachi id be using this time away from my girl on the most diabolical 2 man's

oliviaohh: dude i'm in auckland rn malachi cmon cassie don't gotta know🙏🏻🙏🏻

chilldudd: malachis probs cheating on cassie rn, he lowkey gives bop vibes😭😭

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now i was really freaking out. i could feel my leg start shaking and my palms getting sweaty. i put my phone away and just fidgeted with my shaky hands while zoning out.

he's just having fun hanging out with the cast. he's not doing anything wrong he's just not on his phone right now. but what if he is and he just doesn't want to answer me? or what if he's with another girl right now or planning on how to break up with me-

"cassie we're here" ashlee said, patting my leg making me snap out of my thoughts.

"oh- yeah okay" i said while getting out of the car.

i needed to calm down, i was about to preform and i couldn't have one of my stupid freak outs right now. i bit my tongue and took deep breathes while walking into the back of the stadium where i'd be getting ready.

god cassie it's not that big of a deal why are you like this, he didn't even do anything stop being a little bitch.

i got my makeup and hair done, then changed into my outfit and did some vocal practices before the show begun.

(these are the songs on her album that she's singing on tour, the only important ones are the first 5 the rest i js put in for the sake of it. also she wrote these after her and jaden broke up but you can probably assume which ones are about him)

this is her outfit

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i walked up on stage and saw hundreds of people that have been waiting to see me, which caused me to smile. i started off by talking about how happy i was to be there and how much i appreciate everyone that came. as i started singing, i couldn't stop thinking about malachi and those comments.

he never gave me any reason not to trust him, but what if this ends up like jaden all over again but 100x worse? i genuinely don't think that i could deal with losing malachi. just keep it together, keep the show going. don't let everyone here down.

as i started singing "the grudge" it took me back to one of the toughest times in my life. i wrote it about jaden, after we broke up and the lyrics just brought me back to how i felt at the time and how much it hurt.

'trust that you betrayed'

'i hear your voice every time that i think i'm not enough'

'i doubt you ever think about the damage that you did'

'how could anybody do the things you did so easily'

'do you think i deserved it all?'

when i sang "and i know in my heart, hurt people hurt people and we both drew blood but man those cuts were never equal and i try to be tough, but i wanna scream how could anybody do the things you did so easily?" i felt a tear fall down my cheek.

i quickly wiped it away and continued the song, but as i kept singing, more tears fell and i couldn't stop them from doing so.

i was stressing over malachi because of some stupid comments that don't even know what they're talking about. i just really hoped that i don't end up having to write songs like this about malachi.

this is so fucking embarrassing.

i just kept singing and wiping my tears, trying not to attract any attention to it.

"CASSIE WE LOVE YOU, DONT CRY." i heard a fan scream

i smiled hearing that, i walked over and sat at the edge of the stage while i finished the song and moved onto the next one. i hugged some fans near me and they held my hand while i sang, which made me feel a little bit better.

my hands and legs were shaking really badly, but i had to keep going. seeing that my fans actually cared about me made me feel really good though. i don't think i could've continued the concert if they werent holding my hand.

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i finished all of the songs that were on my album and stood up and walked back to the middle of the stage so everyone could see me.

"i just wanna thank you guys so much for coming, um sometimes i just get really overwhelmed and, well you know." i said quietly while looking around to hide my embarrassment.

"...but i really appreciate every single one of you for being so nice and supportive, i wouldn't have been able to continue if it weren't for you guys so thank you." i said, causing the crowd to loudly cheer.

"actually i want to share one of my unreleased songs for you guys. it kinda fits the mood" i said

"i wrote this song that kind of um describes how my mind thinks when i freak out like that, i wasn't ever going to release it because it's not very good so i haven't named it yet." i said

(the song is "i'm god" - clams casino, imogen heap"

i played the song for them and everyone seemed to really love it. i talked a bit more before i said my goodbyes and left the stage.

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