Love by choice ( Ashtray)

Chapter 8: Regrets

Ash pov:

I was driving home.

I can't believe what Ellison did.
I thought she was different and that she feels the same.

I'm also mad at myself.

How the fuck could I have been so blind and naive. That's not me.

That was never me.

I fell for her badly and she took advantage of that.

I got in the house not caring  about anything and got a drink.

I sat down on the couch next to Fez who looked really unhappy with me.

,, I guess it didn't go well" he sighed.

I didn't answered him.

,, Ash you know there are time when you have to leave it behind, you have to understand her and that she doesn't feel the way -" I cut him off.

,, Bro it's not like that, you were right and I'm stupid" I shook my head.

He just looked at me confused, he didn't understand what I was talking about.

,, Wtf bro ?" He asked.

,, She lied okay, from the beginning it was all planed, Mouse made her do it" I said taking a sip of my drink.

,, Really? She looked like a nice kid" He shrugged smoking a weed.

,, I thought so too but it was all because they wanted to take advantage on us calling the cops and shit because we didn't pay back once " I shrugged.

,, They gonna call the fucking cops on us ? Nah man!" Fez whined.

,, I've got no time for this shit nah ah " he shook his head.

,, So I guess you too are no longer -" he started but I cut him off.

,, No for shit man, she's nothing to me no feelings anymore " I said.

Just thinking of her makes my heart go faster and want to punch someone.

,, You can't just take her out of your life man, you love her even if you like it or not, it's gonna take a while" Fez said patting my back.

I sighed, he's right.

Fuck.

Ellison pov:

,,I hate you, I hate you !" I screamed while crying.

,,Ellison don't be dramatic you knew this gonna happen." My uncle said.

,,Why did you had to ruin everything?" I asked now calming myself down.

,, I told not to fall for him now you are suffering " he shrugged.

,, I should have told them about your plan like I wanted earlier" I shook my head.

,,They wouldn't be on your side" he said.

,,Yeah the way you told him, made him scare away" I said.

,,He would have found out sooner or later" he chuckled.

,, It's funny for you but he was the best thing that ever happened to me, and he probably hates me now" I said looking down.

,, It's just a boy, he can't make you happy but look at us we got our advantage and we are all good aren't you happy?" He asked

,, No, cause you never care about me, only if I do something you want from me but if I make a mistake you then disappointed in me. I always have to be the person who you want me to be but that's not fucking me. You are not better than my parents not at all, and I know it sounds stupid but after years Ashtray was the only person who I felt happy with who cared about me and made me laugh, and you took him from me and I will never forgive you this" I said walking upstairs.

,, Ellison I-" he started but I cut him off.

,, No Ellison, don't talk to me anymore and don't even try to make me forgive you I'm not longer your little doll who does as you say. I have my own opinions my own wants and life. I don't wanna live like this anymore or either with you" I said with that I slammed my door shut.

Mouse pov:

I probably ruined her life.

After hearing her I don't think that I ever noticed how she's struggling.

I didn't knew that she thinks that she's worth nothing or that she thinks that I don't care about her.

I do it's just hard for me to show.

I will not tell that I love her that I care about her.

I just usually tell the good job , or what not to do so she will stay safe.

But maybe I do have to do that because I don't want her to leave or to get hurt.

I don't want her to be mad at me.

The next day.

Ellison pov:

I woke up the whole night I was thinking about how to tell Ashtray what's actually happened.

I know he won't believe me but it's worth a try.

I got dressed wearing a blue jean shorts with a white cropped shirt putting my everyday makeup on and putting my hair in a half up half down ponytail.

I walked downstairs to eat some breakfast before going to their house.

I made myself some cereal and started eating.

While my uncle walked downstairs he looked like he was about to say something.

,, Hey Sweetheart, how did you sleep ?" He asked.

Sweetheart? That's weird he never called me that before.

I didn't answer.

,, Listen I just wanna talk to you" he sighed.

,, Not now I have things to do " I said putting my bowl in the sink and walking out the door.

I knew that Ash and Fez will be at the Store because they once told me that they get new stuff on Fridays so they will be there packing things out.

As I was close to the store I felt like I'm gonna pass out of fear.

I hope Ashtray is gonna listen and forgive me.