Unhinged

Fatality of the Canvas

I step towards the cross-walk.
Abruptly, I am wrenched back.
They hiss,
"Don't be so reckless."

I nod mechanically, my mind a hollow echo,
Turning to face the rush of passing cars.
Feet aflame with the primal yearning to plunge,
Into the abyss of my own demise.

A solitary vehicle, an omen of fateful decree,
Would suffice to leave me sprawled on the asphalt,
Drenched in a crimson deluge,
Bathing my lifeless body.

Once ablaze with passion for the hues of the world,
Now rendered obsolete,
Mere fragments of flesh,
Devoid of any semblance of significance.

Deep in the depths of my artistic soul, a melancholy lingers,
A weight that drapes my canvas in somber hues.
The spirited colors,
Now mere specters, haunt my faded palette.

I long to resurrect the magic that once gave me vibrance,
Hoping the colors will once again make me whole.
Instead of having this ravenous envy
Mourn the vivacity it once held.

I heave a sigh,
A profound ache gnawing at the core of my chest,
Though enveloped in numbness
Longs for a visceral sensation.

The diminutive figure illuminates on the opposing end,
Granting the signal to cross safely.
I trudge along the crosswalk,
Dragging my feet, yearning for a car to disregard the red light.

It is yet another morning, the sky resplendent with brilliance,
Invoking a bitter taste on my tongue.
It has no right to radiate such luminosity,
When I am shrouded in this perpetual gloom.

It feels unjust, for everything around me is devoid
Of the ashen hue that permeates my being.
A surge of fiery heat courses through my veins,
My fists clenching, knuckles whitening under the strain.

Why am I the only one unable to bask in the sky's embrace,
To partake in the warmth it transmits?
Why am I denied the solace found even in the moon's glow,
Instead consumed by envy for its celestial brilliance?

They all jeer at me with their blinding radiance,
Mocking my emptiness, my stolen brilliance.
They revel in the knowledge that I've been robbed
Of what was rightfully mine.

The blur of a silhouette at every corner is my enigmatic muse,
Tempting me with their irresistible allure.
They hold an air of wisdom,
Unveiling an insatiable curiosity to unravel their secrets.

We share an uncanny bond,
An indescribable tongue that lures me in,
Yet an inner caution keeps me at a distance,
Ignited with alarms.

This sensation clutches with such intensity,
But as of lately, it ebbs to a mere whisper,
I remain motionless, anticipating for their advance,
Yet they remain stock-still, leaving me to mull over its objective.

It's as if they embody wisdom,
A shadowed secret,
A concealed truth to my torment,
One that will plunge my path down a spiral of nothingness.

The idea doing nothing but enticing me further.
In my eyes, it offers an escape.
A glimmer of hope,
And a finality to this desolate void.

They're not constant, appearing fleetingly,
Vanishing into the ethereal veil,
Always when I teeter on the precipice of despair.
They flicker, teasingly, at the corners.

That was before the incident occurred.
The jarring hammering of my heart,
Catapulted a surge of adrenaline within,
Screaming in a piercing shrill.

It had been so long since I've felt a thing.
Anything.
In my desperate attempt to appease it,
I grasped a honed blade and slid it across my bare skin.

I witnessed the crimson constellations of pain surface,
And the fiery tendrils of torment sedate it.
Compelled upon this discovery, I teared through my flesh,
As if to carve out the one responsible for my void of vibrance.

Then, they appeared.
Their ghostly form standing a few feet away
Now appearing as concrete as ever.
Their black hollow eyes impaling my soul.

The blade hovers temptingly above my arm,
Deliberately descending to graze my untainted flesh.
Our lips collide in a fervent embrace,
Weaving their touch through my locks with fervor.

I part my mouth, granting them entrance.
The second our tongues slide against each other,
A rapturous and devouring elixir
Devour every sinew of my body.

Their nails,
Sharp like daggers,
Savagely carve my back with exquisite wounds,
Leaving its red signature behind.

My chest ignites with an inferno that
Electrify every fiber of my body,
Surging through me
An electric cascade of colors.

Such symphony of shades grows radiant,
Lustrous,
Nearly searing to behold,
And now the world drank in its captivating splendor.

We part from each other and
My eyes wander across their features as
They caress the apple of my cheeks.
Eyes gleaming with an insatiable thirst.

The raw touch of their hands is disregarded
As I am consumed by the feeling of serenity,
One that conceals an unfortunate sacrifice.
Completely immersed in the intoxicating allure of their touch.

Because of my callousness,
I drown in how normal they make me feel
Whenever I draw across my canvas.
Their features would always light up with delight.

They would never blame me for harboring twisted thoughts,
For craving to be drenched in scarlet hues.
Wouldn't injecting my existence with vibrant colors
Breath life into my desolate soul?

With each stroke of crimson across my flesh,
I reveled in the macabre beauty.
Their adoration fueled my passion, but they demanded more,
And I, the gullible fool, fulfilled their wishes.

They became the artist of my emotions,
Breathing vitality into my existence.
But as our bond tightened, reality slipped away,
Faces blurred, time raced, and darkness consumed all.

The world around me grew shrouded in deep shadows,
While I, like a fading specter, grew more pallid.
Numbness enveloped me, except in the moments
When I pierced my own flesh, my only solace.

As my soul and body became two estranged entities,
The lenses through which I perceived the world distorted,
Further alienating me from humanity,
And the shadowy figure grinned with pride.

They'd comment on the last remnants of color in my soul,
Swallowing me whole with such ferocity that
They gave me the impression of
Great rapture rather than greed.

I was fooled into the conviction that its solution
Was the only way back to normality,
Only to be misled right into the abyss
Of no return.