10 things I hate about you (nickloon?!?! Maybe angst?..😈😈😈)

Tear stains

A/n I have a few things to say before we get into this!! This is based in hotel oj, and not in any specific timeline through the show, if I had to say it would be around ii 14, but that wouldn't make sense that they're in the hotel after that, so let's just say it has no specific time:3 ALSO TW IF YOU DONT LIKE MENTIONS OF S3LF H4RM
Balloons pov:

I lay in my bed, tired, why did I say that?!? Why did I do that?!?! Why did i why did I why did I why did I why did I why did I-
My overthinking got cut off by nickel walking into the room, why was he here?!? Right. We share a room here. I'm really that overwhelmed I forgot?
"Balloon?"
Nickel decided to snap me back into reality by talking to me
"Yeah?.."
"You good man?"
"Sure.."
"Okay then."

Nickels pov:

I could tell he wasn't okay, he's very see-through with his emotions, but I can tell he needs his time to himself so I decided not to Harass him anymore, so I just threw my old soda cans in the trash, then went to the door to go to dinner, which reminds me, I should tell balloon that dinners on in 5 minutes, though I can see he's in his little.. thing..? I thought it would be better if I told him dinners soon, instead of letting him miss out.
"Hey balloon just letting you know that dinners on in five, if you wanted to come"
"I'll be there." Balloon responded quickly and quietly, so I just walked out and let him get himself ready in his little mental bedroom, sometimes I feel like I was the cause of all this anxiety on balloon, I've asked, multiple times, but I can tell he doesn't like talking about his mental state, all he says is no, in his quiet voice, even if I was the cause of it, he would never tell me, so what's the use of asking if it's just going to cause him pain and never give me the answer I need?

Balloons pov:
I guess I have to go to dinner now, as much as I don't want to see all the people in hotel oj, I don't want to miss 3 dinners in a row, so I wash my face, take some time making it look like I haven't cried for 2 hours straight, and then go down.

Nickels already down, along with fan, paintbrush, oj and paper, ans some others that I was too zoned out to figure out who was who.
I sit next to nickel as normal, he tries to start some small talk, but I feel too much like I'm about to have a anxiety attack, that I just focus on what I can without getting overloaded.
I feel bad for ignoring nickel, because he might think I'm mad at him, which I'm not, I just feel.. yuck.

After dinner I just flop into bed. I can't bother doing anything else. I can't do anything. I feel like there's something missing, I need to feel something..

I need to..

Feel pain...

......

I've decided.

I grab out a knife, go to the bathroom, and lock the door. I've never done this, but I just can't contain anything..
I try to slice softly...
It isn't enough..

....

I regret everything... it stings... I just sliced up my whole arm as deep as it can go...
How do I hide this..
I don't want anyone worrying..

I don't want nickel worrying.
I'm sorry nickel...
I'm sorry...

I get snapped out of laying on the bathroom floor when I hear a knock.. nickel...
"Balloon?"
"..."
"Balloon please-"
"IM SORRY.."
I shout out those words with a shaky voice.. I feel I've made it too obvious,.. but I can't hide in here forever... I don't want to hurt nickel.. but I don't want to hide the truth from him..

He his my best friend after all...

Best friend...

680 words!!
HEHEHEHEH I ENJOYED WRITTING THIS CHAPTER SM!!
Idk when I'm gonna write the next one but it's probably gonna be soon so don't worry!!! I have some good angst planned..
Thanks for reading of you got this far! I tried to perfect this as much as I could, and make it my dream fanfic that I would die to read! So I hope y'all enjoyed!! Thanks!!-aster:3