[ DEEP ] JEON JUNGKOOK X READER

27 pain

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My heart pounds in my chest as I clench my fists so tightly that my knuckles turn white. I hadn't anticipated that facing Jungkook, after discovering his true nature, would be this excruciating. My breaths are shallow and erratic, each inhale feeling like it could be my last. I'm desperate to appear composed, but it's like walking a tightrope, with every glance at him threatening to throw me off balance. When I look at his face, he appears so innocent—those soft eyes, that gentle smile—but I can't shake the horrifying images from the documents I uncovered.

I want to forget what I've seen and just hold him, kiss him, love him with everything that's in me. Because, yes, I've fallen for him. My heart aches with the desire to be with him, to be cherished by him. But the reality is starkly different. Why is he doing this to me? I can't breathe. I want him to see me, to choose me, not to ship me off to some stranger, to some other man. I just want him. Why can't he understand that? Oh God, why am I feeling like this? Why—why does it hurt so much? My sobs are muffled at first, but they quickly escalate into loud, wracking cries.

Am I really that hard to love?

Tears stream down my face, mingling with the anguish in my heart.

Why do my feelings matter to no one?

Please, someone, tell me why!

"Y/N, breathe!" Jungkook's voice cuts through my spiraling thoughts, pulling me back to the present. I turn to face him, his eyes wide with concern. There's a flicker of worry in his gaze, but I can't discern whether it's for my well-being or if he's just anxious about how my condition might affect his plans. Is he afraid I'll get hurt, or is he just worried that he'll have to delay his shipment if something goes wrong?

I swallow hard, the lump in my throat almost too big to bear, and meet his eyes through the haze of tears. Everything is blurry, but I can still see the confusion in his expression. I wish I could read his mind, to know if there's any space in his heart for me. If there's any hope at all.

"I'm- fine," I mumble, my voice barely a whisper. I don't have the energy to keep up the pretense. My emotions are overflowing, and my trust has been shattered into a million sharp pieces that stab at me from the inside whenever I look into his eyes. Those brown orbs used to bring me comfort, but now, they remind me of betrayal. All I want to do is hug him and beg him to love me, to be the person I thought he was.

"No, you're not fine. Look at me and try to breathe, angel," he says gently, though there's still a rough edge in his voice. He's coaxing me to listen, his touch firm but soft. As he places his palm on my neck, lifting my chin to make me meet his gaze, I pull away before he can get too close.

"Why—"

"I'm going to my room. I'm not feeling well," I cut him off, my voice trembling. I step back, putting distance between us. I see his fists clench, the muscles in his arms tightening and veins popping out. I take a shaky breath as I turn to leave, but before I can take a single step, he's pulling me back against his firm chest. His hot breath brushes my neck, and I feel his body pressing against mine. His arm wraps around my waist, while his other hand gently sweeps my hair off my neck.

"What is it?" he asks, his voice low and teasing, just below my ear. Then he bites my earlobe softly with his lips, sending shivers down my spine. I shut my eyes, trying to hold back my reaction. I'm weak, both physically and emotionally, and his touch is making it impossible to think straight.

"Let go—"

"You know I won't. You won't be able to leave me. Angel, you are mine," he growls, his grip tightening around my waist.

Liar! I want to shout it in his face, but I can't. If I do, he'll know that I'm aware of his plans, that I've seen the documents. I don't want him to realize I'm onto him. Not yet.

"I'm tired, please," I mumbled weakly. I felt his grip tighten, forcing me to lean into him. He then loosened his hold slightly and kissed the back of my neck, sending a chill down my spine.

"Why do I feel like you're hiding something?" he growled, his voice suddenly menacing. I clenched my jaw—the audacity of this man! How dare he act like he cares, when all he's done is deceive me?

"I'm just—not feeling well. My head hurts," I replied, turning towards him. He looked into my eyes like a predator assessing its prey, and it made me uneasy. I nervously licked my lips and blinked, then glanced down at his lips, trying to distract him. I leaned in, but he abruptly pulled back, his eyes now even more frightening. Goosebumps rose on my skin, and it felt like a cold mist had settled between us.

"Jungko—" Before I could finish, he yanked me towards him, silencing me with a fierce kiss. His hand snaked around my neck, gripping it as he kissed me with a ferocity that made me feel like he was devouring me. His tongue pushed into my mouth, and I gripped his arm, feeling my breath catch in my throat. How could I be so weak at his touch? He tilted my head back and bit down hard on my lower lip, causing me to flinch.

"Jungkook, that hurts," I said, pulling back. He glared at me, his breathing heavy with anger. His grip on my neck tightened, and my hands instinctively wrapped around his, trying to ease the pressure.

"What are you doing?" I struggled to ask, finding it hard to breathe. He loosened his grip and pulled me close, hugging me against his chest.

I look at his face, as his eyes are slightly widen forecasting shock, is he shocked at himself? his face showing utter guilt as he seems out like a innocent child lacking love from his parents.

"Y/N, I'm sorry—I just lost control. I don't like it when people hide things from me. I'm sorry," he whispered into my hair, his hand gently stroking my head. I pulled away slightly and nodded at him, trying to reassure him.

"It's okay," I murmured, though I was still uneasy. His temper was unpredictable, and I didn't know what would set him off.

"No, it's not. I could have hurt you!" he breathed heavily near my ear, his hold on me becoming gentler, though still firm. His warmth was oddly comforting, making me lean into him, though I held back.

"This part of me, I'm scared if you ever find it," he mumbled, almost to himself. I couldn't help but wonder what could be more dangerous than seeing him kill that teacher so brutally. His words were cryptic, and I felt a shiver of apprehension.

"It's okay," I whispered, burying my face in his chest, inhaling his familiar scent. I yelped in surprise as he suddenly picked me up and started carrying me upstairs towards our bedroom.

"What are you doing?" I asked, even though I knew where this was heading. His handsome face was so captivating that my mind seemed to go blank.

"Taking you to our room, so you can rest," he replied, raising an eyebrow at me. I frowned, which only made his lips curl into a smirk.

"I can walk—"

"I know," he interrupted, continuing to carry me. I sighed. It was better not to argue with him. His mood swings scared me—just moments ago, he was threatening me, and now he was acting all gentle. The inconsistency was unnerving.