The One She Chooses

Common Criminal.

“Yeah dad I’m fine.” I said for the fourth time. My dad is a little over protective when it comes to me. Especially since I just told him that I was just in a fight. I made it clear that she didn’t get a chance to hit me but he continues to ask me if I’m okay. He never stopped treating me like I was his princess. And deep down I know he still loves my mom, it’s just that I can see that he loves Layla, his new wife, more. I coped with him leaving us better than she did. Some things you just have to accept.

“There are going to be consequences for your reckless actions.” His voice was strong and powerful. I shifted uncomfortably on the bathroom sink, where I’m currently leisurely lounging. His voice carries so much authority it honestly scares me sometimes.

“I know, I just don’t know what to do. It’s like I wasn’t even being me, I wasn’t thinking like me. I have never been so violent in my life.” I said more to myself rather than to my father. “Maybe I’m going crazy.”

The loud dismissal bell sounded I know that I have to go to class. I can’t flunk out the first quarter. And I know if I start skipping now I’ll never stop.

“You’re not crazy sweetheart; I think there just some things about yourself that you haven’t quite figured out yet.” He cooed. “Now get back to class, when administration catches up to you, you will have to explain yourself, You are expected to apologize.” He let out a breath of air.”If you’re lucky you’ll be suspended, so I expect you to get all of the work that you can before you leave. Your mom is going out of town this weekend so I want you at my house on Friday, eight at the latest. Do you understand?”

“Yes.” I respond obediently.

“Okay now, go to class.”

We say our goodbyes and I head off to class, then to lunch then one more class then home free!

I plopped down across from Chanel at the lunch table. She sat there eyes glued to her phone apparently unable to acknowledge my presence. When she is finished typing she looks up and immediately bombards me with questions

“Why were you late? Is it true? What did Cameron have to do with this? Is he picking on you? If he is I’ll fuc king kill him. Anyway, are you okay?” she spat out all in what seemed like in one word. If I haven’t been associating with this child for so long, then I wouldn’t have even been able to even guess what she was saying.

“Hello Candice, Hi Chanel. How is your day going?” I acted out the ideal conversation.

“No time for games Candice. Answer my questions or else.”

 “I was late today because I had a weird dream, and my mom was practically fuc king in the kitchen.” I sighed. And began to fill her in on all of the details of what happened today and yesterday. I told her everything, even the way I feel about Cameron and how I snapped when I nearly killed Taylor. It felt like old times, when I told her EVERYTHING. Now days I repress a lot of things, I like to keep certain things to myself for a while until I figure it out completely.

I’m so uncertain about Cameron. It’s like a part of me wants to kill him for what he put me through. While another part wants to crawl up into a ball and be afraid of him for the rest of my pitiful life. And then the more dominant part of me wants to hold him and never let him go.

“You need to apologize.” She said in her motherly tone.

“To who?” I asked. I do not regret anything that I’ve done. Well maybe I could’ve not tried to kill Taylor. But thats beside the point, I still do not regret attacking her or Bradley. I should have hit Cameron.

“Everyone you’ve struck in the last three hours” she demanded.

“Hell no , Chanel. Hell no! Are you forgetting the countless days that Taylor and Victoria talked about me like I was some type of fat low down dog? Or maybe the times where they tripped me just so I could fall and they could yell ‘Timberrr” or how about-“