The disgrace of Dazai Osamu

Why?......

Dazai was walking through the office, he always arrives alone, with no one to accompany him.

Kunikida: DAZAAAAAIIIIII!!! You're late again!, 5 minutes with 20 seconds late!

Dazai: wow Kunikida, so specific~!I

Dazai tried to keep his playful personality, but he was just too tired to do so,

he haven't slept for one whole week, almost two.

Kunikida looked at Dazai angrily, just like always, he just couldn't see anything off of him, neither could anyone, Dazai was so good at pretending. Time after Dazai started working, normally, let's better say "normally" Dazai was working with a tired look in his eyes, he just wanted to leave, go home, try to sleep, or go and drink some alcohol, or see his ex's phone number........Chuuya, Dazai missed him so much, he would do anything to see him again, or to talk to him, or even share the same air, or anything that had to do with Chuuya, but there was nothing he could do, Nothing.

​​​​​​Then, Dazai finished working, he went home silently, not.talking to anyone, not even noticing them, the others thought that Dazai was finally starting to behave, but they would never imagine what was going on with Dazai.

Dazai arrived home, he was just too tired from living, he wanted to disappear, he wanted a new life. While being in the Port Mafia, he wanted danger, to search a purpose to live, but he hasn't found anything, he just.......he doesn't even know how he feels, he wants to know how is it called the way he feels, he wants to do a lot of things, but he doesn't feel motivated to do anything, he just lays down on his bed, looking at the ceiling.

After staring at the ceiling for a long amount of time, he decided to grab his phone, and looks at his old contacts, there is Chuuya, he wants to text him so bad, but it's been almost three years they don't talk or have a chat or whatever that had to do with each other.

"What if he hates me? What if he doesn't want to know anything about me?, What if he already forgot me? What if he doesn't care about me anymore? What if he will never talk to me anymore?" Dazai thought, he was crying since he arrives home, but he just noticed, it was all dark, his room had the lights off, the window was closed, and another dark thing was Dazai himself.

Time after that, he started looking at the chats he had with Chuuya, years ago, it all feels so nostalgic for Dazai, he wants to go back to these old times, but he can't since he left the Mafia in Odasaku's request, sometimes he regrets considering Odasaku as his best friend.

Dazai is glad that he is helping people now, but he didn't want to loose Chuuya, Chuuya was the one Dazai loved the most, and he still loves him, but it's just too hard to talk to him and not falling to the floor crying like a baby.

Dazai had dinner, some crab, like Chuuya always brought him crab at night. It was so nostalgic to eat the crab, but it was Dazai's favorite food since he was young, he eats crab every night, he never gets tired of eating it, he could eat crab everyday, and so he does.

Dazai then, lays down in his bed, not even changing his clothes, he was ready to do the same as always, to stare at the ceiling all night, thinking about everything, mostly about Chuuya, and about Odasaku, he considered them as the most important people in his life, no one could replace them.

Now that Dazai tries to remember, Chuuya didn't like Odasaku at all, he didn't want Dazai near him, it's as if Chuuya already had a bad feeling of everything, but Dazai didn't listen to him, "what would've happened if I listened to Chuuya....?" Dazai asks to himself, Mori.....Mori would have said the same, Mori wanted Dazai to stay, since Dazai was one of the best executives, but Chuuya wanted him to stay because he loved Dazai.

Maybe Mori was right, Dazai's blood is black like the Mafia, but Dazai won simply come back, he is on another path now, that sometimes he regrets taking it.

He may be on depression, before, Dazai wanted to kill himself because he wanted to have danger situations, it wasn't a death desire though, he just wanted to find a purpose to live, and now, he wants to die, because he wants a new life.