Of Lies & Love | on hold

17 | MIRA

I stare at the ceiling, tracing the shadows in the dark. Their shapes distort and reform, almost tangible, creeping closer until I can see their outlines. I blink and turn away, fixing my gaze on the wall instead. The faint light of the moon seeps through the curtains, casting a haunting glow on the clock as time ticks away with agonizing slowness. I groan when I realize it’s only 11 o'clock. I have been praying for time to speed up, so I hope God can listen to me. The sooner morning arrives, the sooner I won't have to be alone. 

The itch always starts around this time, gnawing at the edges of my sanity.

I want to scratch it so badly, though I know chasing the fleeting rush of euphoria is nothing as against the wave of guilt and regret that will follow.

"Do it, do it, do it," the devil mocks, slithering through my head, hissing the words like an incantation.

It's hell bent on ruining me.

The more I ignore it, the louder it becomes.

But I am only human. How much longer can I endure without losing my mind?

As I feel myself starting to surrender, I roll out of the bed and switch on the light. This can't happen, I scold myself, taking deep breaths to steady my nerves. In and out. In and out. I command my senses to focus. My fingers tremble as my heartbeat accelerates, the rhythm so loud that it echoes in my ears. I clutch at my hair, anchoring myself in the present.

These are the moments when meditation feels like a cruel hoax.

A knock reverberates through the room, drawing my attention to the closed door. I wonder whether the sound is in my head or…

But it comes again, along with a familiar voice. “Mira, are you awake?”

Rihan.

The devil in my head retreats at once. With a sigh of relief, I send a silent prayer to God for helping me as I unlock the door and pull it open. 

"Did I disturb you?" he asks, his gaze searching my face.

I shake my head, mustering a small smile to reassure him. "No, what's up?" 

He has changed from the formal attire he wore earlier to black sweatpants and a gray T-shirt, his soft smile infusing his features with a boyish charm that eases the tension I was feeling.

“Come with me.”

“Where to?” Glancing at my reflection in the mirror, I notice my disheveled hair and run my fingers through them before following him. Ugh, how did he look at me with a straight face?

“To my room."

I come to a sudden halt, my eyes widening as I regard him. “Your room?” The words feel foreign on my tongue.

“Yeah,” he confirms.

"The one where you sleep?" I ask, my voice rising an octave. "You are inviting me there?"

His eyebrows furrow as he notes my disbelief, then realisation dawns on his face and he quickly clarifies, “No, not like that. I meant the balcony.”

"What for?" I press as we enter his room. It is late, so late that we are probably the only ones awake while the rest of the world slumbers. "Wait, are you going to push me off?"

His smile fades, replaced by a look of exasperation. He opens and closes his mouth several times before resorting to glare at me. “You are spoiling my surprise.”

I give him a cheeky smile and step out onto the balcony. When I see the setup, my heart flutters, having a mind of its own despite my efforts to shut it. I have never been here before, so I don't know if Rihan went out of his way to make the arrangements or if it's always been here. But whatever it is, I am floored. Two chairs with plush cushions are positioned on either side of a round tea table, while against the left wall, a wooden shelf overflows with potted plants, adding a touch of greenery.