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Hoongjoong

It was a whirlwind.

Every waking moment, choosing to spend it with someone I didn't know in hopes I could make up for the centuries of loneliness.

Of course, he was doing the same.

I caught myself staring at Seonghwa, more often than not. Sometimes, it was just to recognize his beauty, while others had me wondering if he was mentally all there to happily deal with someone like me.

I didn't lie to him, not once, deciding to go full loony bin. He didn't lie to me either, whether it was because he knew I was being truthful or he was staying true to his own beliefs and speaking what was on his mind.

I oftentimes said the most insane things, and he always took it in stride. I knew there was no way that he 100% believed me unconditionally. You'd have to be far too insane for that. But he just didn't seem to mind or care at all if I was crazy.

It boiled down to enjoying each other's company, no matter how chaotic or little sense it made.

It didn't take me long to learn that Seonghwa was clinically ill. It is a very specific and rare disease that is, in fact, so rare that he got to name it. At the time, apparently, he didn't feel too cheery to name something that would kill him, so he just ignored the "honor" that it apparently was and let the doctors name it.

He didn't exactly hide it, and maybe that explained the way he lived life.

I also learned that Seonghwa still had longer to live than me, which I knew he would be devastated about but he'd just smile like it was something he'd just have to deal with, while letting out a tired breath like it was something he should've predicted, I was sure.

Apparently, the disease acts doormant through most of your life despite being born with it. Like you're either getting better from it or it was never an issue to begin with.

It doesn't show much signs as it works so subtly and slowly that you continue to live and develop as if you don't have handicaps.

But once you get older, even in your mid to late twenties, the weakness in your bones and muscles become evident. Fighting viruses are impossible without immediate medical care, and living with pain becomes so normal it's like it's not even a thing to consider.

It's so subtle until it randomly explodes inside of you. At least that's what Seonghwa predicted would happen. He didn't believe the theories that it'd be a silent killer forever, and one day, he would just die like he didn't suffer his entire life to get to that point.

It felt a little brutal, to be honest.

Knowing how desperate I was to find a way to end my misery early, hoping for the day my life would end.

While he sat there, never knowing if he'd live past the next breath he took. How he so badly wanted to live a life worth something, but living past this year seemed unlikely.

He never truly knew what was going on inside of him, despite knowing he couldn't lift his bag up by himself anymore without extreme pain, or walking for more than three minutes at a time would get him winded. He stopped seeing the doctor a while ago and stopped doing tests to find a "magical cure" for something that they had no idea what it was or how to fix it.

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