Why was it hard to accept that I love him...?
Because it meant accepting everything that comes with it. It meant accepting that he will end up with an amazing person which won't be me. It meant that I was going to love him despite everything and I mean everything, because idc what he thinks of himself, I love that monkey. That it felt wrong and sad to not have him in my life so I knew I had to have him in some way. He's that person, you know? He's the "security man". He's the man that stays in the back, making sure that you're okay and happy, and he's unmovable. He's the selfless man. He's the man in the background that you have a long story with, and when he gives you a certain look, you know it has meaning, because he's known you forever. He's the man who's always gonna look after me, who's always gonna be there in my life, somehow, in some way. He's never leaving my side. He's that man in my life.
