Sankarshana - The Mighty Bringer Of Joy

Curses and More Consolations

Years had passed since the war of the Kurus. Krishna, however, lost bits of himself to the aftermath of the war everyday.

The aftermath of the war in the battleground of Kurukshetra had been a war in the battlefield of Krishna's heart and mind. The conflicts were worse than the clanging of swords, the trumpeting of injured elephants or the screeches of dying soldiers. In his mind, where the whole universe resided, there was chaos.

The unending knowledge that Krishna possessed seemed to make him emptier nd emptier everyday. It was as if there was no thought in his mind that wasn't consumed by other things.

Most days, Krishna was still a charmingly grinning man, striding around his palace with enough smiles to seem alright. The ones who had known him since the times he was frolicking around even as an adult, brimming with enthusiasm and life, knew this was but a facade.

But they also knew he had no choice but to act. The world worshipped him. He would be questioned for every tear, for every word said in anger, for every question he refused to answer. Even his silence wouldn't go unquestioned. He could do nothing but pretend.

Some days, though, Krishna could not act. It was an expected thing. He would tire from time to time from the smiles. It usually wasn't a problem, because he would do whatever he felt like, or would simply think about a thousand things for no reason.

One day, however, his heart seemed to be entirely against him with the most awful timing too. The administrators were incredibly busy with official work at that particular time of the year. It was towards the end of the year, and important discussions took place, including reviewing performances in the past year and making decisions for the upcoming year.

Krishna essentially spent the entire day with utmost absentmindedness. He had tried his best to focus but something was drawing the life out of him. His thoughts were eating him away, bit by bit, piece by piece. It wasn't a new development. This thought was something that never left his mind. That day, it had been like a blaring noise, absolutely unavoidable.

In the evening, after a full day of many important official discussions, Krishna returned to his room and expressionlessly sat at the edge of his bed. His mind could do nothing but think of the endless possibilities his thoughts presented. He dreaded everything he was thinking but he couldn't do much about it.

Suddenly, he heard the doors of his room being thrown open and his eyes flew towards the one who walked in.

Balarama stormed in with his angavatra nearly flying to catch up with him. His face clearly showed all his anger, presumably because of the amount of work that was there to be done. His eyes were slightly red, like he had lost sleep over the chaos of all the administrative work. He looked around the room, trying to find something specific.

Krishna just looked at his brother, not even asking him what he was looking for. Balarama turned towards him rather angrily. "Give me those documents I'd asked you for!" he demanded.

"Which ones?" Krishna asked blankly, like he couldn't recall any instructuon he had been given.

Balarama clenched his eyes and fists shut. He still kept his tone as neutral as he possibly could. "Where have you been all day? What have you been doing?"

Krishna didn't have a lot of firsthand experience of his brother's true anger, but he had seen it and he knew it wouldn't end well. "I'm sorry-"

"You've just been blank all day! Not listened to a single thing! I've told you what I wanted multiple times, there were important discussions today, there were a thousand things we reviewed! Were you listening at all? No. Do you know what we did today? No! You weren't even here! I don't know what you're doing but I cannot stand how you're just completely absentminded-"