There is never a time or place for true love. It happens accidentally, in a heartbeat, in a single flashing, throbbing moment.
Ayize Gxarha, a poised conservative psychiatrist who meets the roguish Qaphela Makhathini due to unforeseen circumstances...
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"Please forgive me Jongikhaya, I will never talk to him again my lo-" A harsh slap cut my weeping explanation short.
"Shut up! Thula Ayize!" He beseeched as he snaked his ginormous palm around my neck. He wrung my neck, almost snapping it off. My shaky hands moved to his as I tried to clutch him off. I could feel my soul almost leave my body...
"Dr.Gxarha! Are you even listening?" Lukhona, my favourite patient shrills, penetrating my subconscious as she draws me back to reality.
"Sorry, continue," I reply, my face creasing into the typical professional smile. You know that smile, the smile every shrink wears.
"So as I was saying; Shane doesn't rate me you know! He ditched our date night because of that whore he calls a baby mama. Can you believe that she called him because "she couldn't fall sleep"? Tell me what bullshit that is?" she vents. I suspire sharply and jot down my medical notes.
"Lukhona, I need you to refrain from any vulgar language when speaking to me. Another thing, I need you to remember who you are young lady." I inhale and then exhale shortly. "You seem to be seeking excessive validation from Shane and all these other non-factors in your life. Heck you're even sacrificing your own happiness," I state, brutally. Tears cloud her upturned eyes while she tries fanning them away.
"I don't know Dr Gxarha, I feel like I'm not enough. All three of my siblings are happily married and thriving in life. And then there's me, I chose to be this "big" fashion designer who travels all around the world, not giving a damn about relationships and love. I feel so lonely Doc. Soon I'll be graduating with my masters in Arts but I'm not happy. I'm not content Doc! I feel as though there's something I'm not doing right," she utters a whole mouthful before sniffing. I blink profusely and swallow the lump in my throat. Is it crazy that I feel the exact same way? I'm 29 years old and what have I honestly achieved besides graduating from medical school and specialising in my desired field? No kids, no husband- okay at least I have Peanut, my cute little Maltese dog. My goodness Ayize! Here you go trailing off once again!
I clear my throat and smile at my patient, making sure I maintain a warm, comfortable stare.
"Listen here Lukhona, life is a journey not a destination. Embrace every twist, every turn and every detour. Trust in your journey even when the path ahead seems uncertain. Every experience, every setback and every triumph is a chapter in your story. Embrace the journey for it is shaping you into the person that you're meant to become. Nurture your self-compassion by being gentle with yourself, especially on those tough days. Cultivate self compassion for it is a foundation of self love. Treat yourself with the same kindness, understanding and forgiveness that you would offer to your dear friends and family. You are deserving of love and kindness simply because you exist. You are more powerful than you realise. Embrace your strengths, your passions and your dreams by owning your power because it is yours to wield. Stand tall in your truth. Speak your mind and pursue your dreams with unwavering determination. The world needs your unique gifts now more than ever. So stand tall my dear Lukhona," I warmly advise maintaining the professional smile as if I hadn't recited all of that prior. My patient looks at me with her bottom lip quivering. Within a flash, she bursts into tears. I bite my bottom lip, gripping my pen before exhaling sharply.
Welcome to my world! All I do is diagnose affluent people who see problems in every aspect of life, even unnecessary problems. I love the work I do and I also love my patients; but man it gets draining! As a psychiatrist I'm required to be in the right state of mind every single day in order for me to assess my fellow human species in whatever mental disorders they have. But what about me? I also want to be assured like this. I also want to trauma dump on other people.
"Thanks Doc, now tell me more about that Gucci blouse you're wearing. You know it would look better with beige pants instead of black pants? And those heels girl, what year is it? 2019?" Miss Lukhona comments as she grabs the tissue next to her. I huff out defeatedly before a blank smile tugs at my lips.
•••
At last! Appointments done, rounds complete, staff meetings done and no patients until next week. Lord! How I love the weekend. It's definitely calling my name. My weekends usually consist of spa, brunch/lunch dates with my mother. At my big age it's safe to say that my mother is my only friend. I kind of lost all my friendships because of how demanding my career was. From medical school, to doing my internship, community service and furthering my studies. I must admit that my social life became nonexistent. Sigh!
I pack up my possessions and lock up my office. Well, I practice at a private psychiatric/rehabilitation facility. I bid Hillary, the receptionist a goodbye. I get to my car and shove my tote bag along with my lunch bag in the front passenger seat. I grab my gym bag from the trunk and scurry inside my car to change into my gym attire. Thank goodness my windows are dimmed. In less than ten minutes, I drive off to the Virgin Active in Alice Lane. I have a session with my personal trainer in 20 minutes so I need to unleash my inner Michael Schumacher. I quickly manoeuvre my car out of the gate, waving goodbye at Tat'uJali at the gate. As I'm driving, my cellphone pings irritatingly. Whoever is texting is not willing to give up. When I get to the traffic lights, I blow out a sigh before grabbing my cellphone from the wireless charging pad. I smack my lips and roll my eyes when I find messages from one of my colleague's baby shower group chat. A message from an unknown number catches my attention as well? I frown but decide to click on it.
"you're the main factor that caused my brother to off himself, and trust me you'll pay. Tell mommy dearest that I love her roses." The message reads. A picture of my mother tending to her garden follows shortly. Jesus Christ of Nazareth! I start hyperventilating, feeling like this vehicle is caving in on me. Before I know it, I release the brake pedal resulting in me colliding into the back of another vehicle. SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! MKHTNI 2 GP the number plate of the BMW m4 reads. Oh God! Halt, I scream at the top of my lungs with my whole body trembling.
...Fortunately this isn't a busy road, it's a street in the neighbourhood of the Sandown surburb.
"Stupid Joburg drivers! Weh sisi! Umthetho wakho uyithengile le license!" As I am still trying to catch my breath, possibly if my heart was still beating, a very faint yet deep voice reverberates, interrupting me. I swallow dryly before rolling my car window down. I look up to find a man in a suit, his hands pocketed with a grimace on his face, clenching his dentition. (Lady! I see you bought this license.)
"Excuse me?" My anger flares up at this man's audacity. How dare he accuse me of buying my license!
"Ungizwile," he seethes. Throwing a challenging stare at me. (You heard me)
"Sbhanxa ndin! Fine! I will pay for your car repairs. Here's my business card, you'll see how you contact me. I'm in a rush right now bhuti!" I croak out, throwing my office card at him. He glances at it before shaking his head. He chuckles before lodging his head through my window, leaving no space between us. I find myself looking at his chest, fearing that should I glance up at those brown orbs, he'd hurt me. He stands there before grabbing my forearm in a firm grip.
"Do you know who I am? Ngathi awungazi ntombenhle. Nobody, I mean nobody talks to me like that! Ungizwile na dokotela?" (Looks like you don't know who I am) (Did you hear me doctor) He peeves in a reprimanding tone. I gulp and nod vigorously with my heart thumping like an apostlic drum.
"Y-Yes," I reply meekly. He chuckles softly before drawing out his head. What is this devil in a suit doing to me? He chuckles lowly, gently brushing my cheek.
"That's more like it," he utters deeply before pecking my forehead. He snidely winks at me, walks off to his car and then drives off. I'm stuck in the same position, dumbfounded like a humpty dumpty. What the hell was that!
