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Cold feet.

•Chapter ten•

My mother is convinced I'm bipolar; how utterly ridiculous is that. The moment I entered my house she bum bared me with questions on why my mood has so suddenly uplifted.

I craved nothing more then to express to her why my mood had drastically altered, but I couldn't find the courage. I was terrified that she'd discourage how I was feeling. Emotions weren't merely involved in our relationship, not since my father died. I didn't want to reticule or be criticized for being weak; she's always put on this front for being empowered and strong when in reality she was immensely so undeniably heartbroken. With every fiber of my being I wish she could realize I'm equally grieving too.

My mind was preoccupied; preoccupied with thoughts of him. Thoughts of us. Whatever "us" may be, I wasn't quite certain or clear. Though I questioned it merely every second my mind possibly allowed, which you may find rather ridiculous even slightly obsessive.

He didn't mention labels, not until practically a mere week after our first kiss. Which I found rather torturous and extremely nerve racking. As we Casually rested against his mattress, his head firmly laid against my toned abdomen when he finally spoke.

"Scott?" He nervously questioned.

"Mmm?" I replied, shifting my neck as I slightly lifted my pounding head.

"W-what are we?"

"...What do you want us to be?" I responded, as he arched a perfectly shaped brow. We sat in silence as he pondered and explored the idea of us; his mind frantically searching for the proper response. I refused to rush him, so I sat impatiently though it didn't show. I nervously pondered what was traveling through his mind.

Did he want me?

I was nervous; nervous because I certainly didn't quite understand where we stood, and that slightly worried me. Did he want a relationship? Eventually after what seemed to be an eternity he tilted his head to the left as a small sly smile transformed his features. Leaning forward he delicately pressed his lips against mine.

"I. want. you. I. Want. this. I. want. us." He whispered, pecking my lips between every verbalized word causing a massive smile to spread against my skin. My heart began to pound rapidly; I swear he could faintly hear the intense thudding. just the mere idea of us made me absolutely giddy. I couldn't quite fathom that was reality. It felt like an utterly unrealistic fantasy.

He wanted me.

Holy shit...
he wanted Me.

The amount of happiness and contentment that surfaced my heart was rather unfamiliar. I was so undeniably overjoyed, everything finally felt complete. I couldn't prevent my emotions from appearing. Swiftly grasping his figure, Immediately tugging him into a tight embrace as I wrapped my arms securely around his neck. We sat there for what seemed like a mere century, wrapped in each other's Arms as the Eco of our rapidly skipping in sync heart beats invaded the silence.

Then reality set in; this wouldn't last.
I've set myself up for utter heartbreak in The unfortunate end. I knew the consequences and yet I dismissed them completely. How could I possibly commit to a relationship when I undoubtedly will bring downfall upon us both. How utterly selfish and cruel. I was ashamed; disgusted on my lack of logic and awareness of his feelings. He immediately noticed my figure tense, resulting in him loosening his grip to connect eye contact. His pupils frantically searching mine for a clue onto why my frame suddenly became so ridge and stiff. Relaxing my figure slightly; I kissed his forehead, resting my chin against his hair. I had the most intense urge to confess what was traveling through my mind but, I decided on ignoring the relentless thoughts instead.

That was my first mistake.

-•-

Multiple Days past and The amount of concern and worry eventually invaded every inch of my crowed cluttered mind. It began to corrupt my conscience of all positive thoughts. I couldn't let this fester further, I needed someone to confide in; causing my conscience to immediately drift to Kirstie. Arriving without notice, I entered her house, letting my presence be aware. heading up the staircase eventually entering her room; she casually shifted toward the left allowing my figure space.

"Hey babe, what's up?" She questioned, arching and eyebrow as she patted her lap where I sullenly Laid my head. I rested in utter silence, pondering on how to correctly respond.

"W-was it a mistake?" I bluntly questioned, allowing tears to timidly build as sullenness influenced my tone. we laid against her mattress, my head resting bluntly in her lap.

"What?" She immediately questioned snapping up, concern flashing against her pupils as she swiftly searched mine.

"Was committing to this relationship a mistake?"

"Scott Richard Hoying! Why the hell would you say something like that?" She snapped, narrowing her eyes.

"Kirst, What happens if I'm forced to leave...I'll be heartbroken. I shouldn't have gotten attached." I slowly began to panic, attempting to muffle the unsteadiness in my tone.

"Don't you dare...Listen I know you're worried, but you can't live your entire life terrified of the future and what it may hold. that's not living; that's just existing." She sympathetically whispered, shifting both hands to my cheeks are she attempted to reassure me. Gently Tugging me into her arms she held me as I whimpered, I sat there in her embrace attempting to sort through my overwhelming thoughts.

She was right; she always was. I couldn't allow this to ruin us.

I refused too.

-•-

"I swear to God, if you don't get your lazy ass down here; I'll smack you!" I piercingly shouted from the bottom the the staircase.

"Yeah?" appearing at the edge of the top step, He seductively questioned smirking as he bit his lower lip; descending down the stairwell.

"Everyone hates a tease, Hoying." He whispered smugly into my ear causing a intense chill to travel up my spin; as he lightly slapped my butt. Smirking as he made his way across the hardwood disappearing into the living room.

he was unbelievably forward and confident. By now you'd care to assume I was use to this but by the vibrant tint of my cheeks i'd have to disagree otherwise. Shuffling in his direction, I planted my figure against the sectional causing him to pat the vacant seat besides him; as a slight grin appeared a glimmer flashed against his pupils. Timidly inching my frame toward his, till our bodies collided as his shoulder rested Against my forearm. Physical contact is quite similar to a drug; the instant you experience the feeling of finger tips gliding against skin and lips connecting it's utterly intoxicating. All conscientious has suddenly vanished and your body instantly reacts craving and desiring more.

Resisting him was like an addict resisting his biggest addiction; Refer to me as a addict, and I wouldn't deny it. Him being my worst, yet most magnificent drug to possibly dream of being addicted too.

I was hooked, and refused to quit.

// sorry this took so long, I was in Canada for 4 days and that's means rarely any wifi *cries* which was hard as hell back need internet to live. but I'm backkkkkkkkkkkk and still annoying as ever! Till next update, bye you lovely hoes :)))) -Laura