my emotional bitchass really shed a few tears writing this 🥲
˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚
enjoy the chapter my loves 🥲
˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚
muzan: soon enough we were both in the public bathroom in the same stall, making out even wilder now that we were perfectly alone. I dug my nails into his back as he hung his sweater up, revealing his sleeveless, loose tank-top that he wore. it turned me on at least two times as much observing how exceedingly bigger and taller he was than me. he grabbed my waist and pulled my body onto his as he pushed me against the shaky stall door harshly, making sure I couldn't escape his grasp and embrace. "nghhh..~"
kokushibo: he was a little too sexy for me to handle. "mm.." I bent down and grabbed under his soft thighs, lifting him up and pushing my hips in between his thighs and onto his crotch. he wrapped his firm thighs around my hips as he wrapped his thin arms around my neck again and dug his nails deeper into my back. it hurt, but it felt so good. it was almost intoxicating how enticing he was. we zealously French kissed as we battled tongues all too passionately. our first time really talking, and things took such a drastic turn. I couldn't control myself. my lips desperately longed to be on his. he rubbed his thighs on my waist more, rubbing his crotch against mine a little too. kyogai was right. of course he was gay, he could never even top anyone. he had to be at least half my size, or even lower. and I was around 11 inches or so. I was infatuated with him.
but then my common sense returned. I couldn't even be seen with this guy, let alone be kissing him!! it would destroy my reputation, 'and might even get me.. made fun of for it..'
muzan: after about a few minutes, he gasped and paused. he suddenly dropped me and put his sweater back on, looking frantic and sweaty. he suddenly shoved me aside and opened the stall door, running out and bursting through the door, sprinting out. I gasped and ran after him, screaming his name, just like he did to me in the bathroom. why was I so desperate for him? 'oh right.. cause ive liked him for almost a decade. I started to shake as I grabbed his wrist and pulled him back, wrapping my arms around his waist and his chest. "hey.. d-d-did I do.. something wrong..? why are you.." he shook his head and tried to unclasp my shaky hands from his chest. I refused to let go. my body wouldn't let me, no matter how strong he was. I heard him choke and start to sniffle a little. "why-"
kokushibo: "LET GO." I said sternly.
muzan: I gasped and refused. "no.."
kokushibo: "LET GO, BEFORE I KICK THE SHIT OUT OF YOU!!!" he gasped and let go of me, backing up and trembling, covering his mouth in shock as his eyes started to water. "l-look. you have to go home." he just stared at me fearfully. my cheeks started to heat up as I gritted my teeth in anger.
muzan: "since when are you this angry..? and to ME out of all people?!!! WHAT IS UP WITH YOU?!!" I held my head as it spun and I choked on my quiet sobs.
kokushibo: I snapped. what was up with me?!! "LOOK, MUZAN, I CANT BE SEEN WITH SOMEONE LIKE YOU, GOT IT?!!" he gasped quietly as I went quiet and clenched my veiny fist. "e-everyone I know hates you!! what will they say about me if they know this happened!! im not willing to have my social status ruined over some depressed guy ive never even talked to!! I swear I'll fuck you up if you tell anyone this happened!! "
muzan: I paused as my lip started to quiver and my eyes teared up. I didn't really know what to say. all I could do was start I uncontrollably sob. I wiped my eyes with my shaking fists as tears streamed down my face and I weeped loudly. everything Id felt for the past years was for this? my sleeves rolled down, exposing to him all the scars on my wrists that he choked at and went silent as I wiped my eyes, practically screaming crying. "I-i-ive liked you for almost a decade now.. and this.. THIS IS WHAT I GET??" I yelped, crying so much I could barely utter a sentence. "how.. how could you say something like that!!!? what have I ever done.. except be kind to you, regardless of you and your friends calling me weird.. calling me a freak.. making fun of me constantly.. making my life mental torture!! ive done nothing but be nice to you.. and even still like you through it!! WHAT HAVE I DONE- what have I done wrong.. I get it.. im ugly, im annoying, and im an oddity to all of you.. but not once have I insulted any of you, even once!!" I dug my face in my hands, my face cramping from crying so hard, turning bright red as my cheeks were practically soaked in my tears. "e-e-EVERYONE WAS RIGHT ABOUT YOU!!" he gasped. "so many people have told me.. that you use people and are just a dickish playboy who's never even said "I love you" once.." I weeped. rivers of tears gushed down my face. "but I didn't believe that!! not once.. because you seemed kind every time I even looked at you!! so I liked you regardless!! I tried so much to look better, even removing my old cut scars to try to look better so I would at least look good when you looked at me for a slip second in class!! cutting my hair shorter and straightening it, completely destroying my hair cus I heard you liked guys with shorter and straighter hair..and even starving myself sometimes!! since I was a kid!! since I didn't even know what being gay meant!! Id never heard you talk shit about anyone.. even me until today!! the first person I heard my crush talk shit about was me!! and I STILL FORGAVE YOU!! cause you actually looked at me for more than three seconds and apologized! and you must be a really good faker, cause I even believed it when I trust absolutely no one!! not even my parents and friends!! some of my best friends like you.. and I still forgave you.. and you even texted me, and I was happy you "cared" enough to! I was smiling the whole 4 minute conversation! and all of that was so you could just take advantage of my feelings for you and then tell me you don't wanna be seen with someone LIKE ME??! what does "someone like me" even mean!! and do you seriously expect me to take that lightly?! every dying minute, from dawn till dusk, and even sometimes in my dreams ive thought about you and what it'd be like actually being with, let alone talking to you!!" we didn't say anything and went quiet for over 5 minutes. "and all of that for what..?" he just looked down at him feet. "you hate me.. and don't wanna be seen with me.. cause you're scared of not fitting in..?" he looked up, then back down. "I would've given up everything just to go out with you even once.. id live in a ditch for years, destroy everything that ever meant anything to me, probably even kill someone just for a 5 percent chance to get closer to you.. and kill myself after if that's what you asked of me.. and you're scared of not fitting in." I went quiet an gritted my teeth as my nose started to bleed from all the stress in my body building up and causing me to even cry a tiny bit of blood. "and even after all you've said, FOR SOME REASON, I STILL LIKE YOU!!!" I screamed. "and ill scream that over and over to you just till it gets through your head.." I looked down at my feet as my tears splattered onto my shoes. "but it wont. I'll never be seen by you, kokushibo." I turned around and started to walk away, my eyes growing weary and tired. "and that's okay. nothing about the way I feel towards you will change, since it seems like there's just no escape from it." I heard him fall to his knees as I walked away, disappearing into the shadows of the trees wed kissed under just a moment ago. after about 30 minutes of walking through the trial of the park, I had finally lost sight of him. I closed my eyes and laid down on a bench in the fading moonlight as the tall tree branches danced in the cold wind above me. I loved him. regardless of what he'd done. so much..
'so much..'
I closed my eyes and smiled.
I was glad id gotten all of my feelings out that night.
but I wanted to die right then and there at the same time.
'feelings are weird..
especially the ones I have for you.
kokushibo.
my one and only.'
muzan asf:
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