Knee deep, at this point.

Like an Aunt out of hell.

"...And i know he took you to the beach.."

°○•○°

i told them to leave me alone. to let me think. but they stayed. they all stayed, except logan. and i dont know what to think. they only listened to me when i told them not to touch me, not to talk to me.

what do they want?

"im sorry? is that what you wanted to hear?" i made my tone as bitter as possible, but it had been obvious that i was still crying.

aiden didnt have a deranged look on his face, for once. he only showed my a sympathetic smile. meanwhile, ben was writing in his notepad, and he showed it to me.

'dont apologize. nothing was your fault.'

it was like they could read me like an open book. they knew my apology was genuine, as mean as i wanted to seem.

thank god the door opening broke the silence. ashlyn and the twins (i made a correct assumtion, for once!) had returned.

they immidiately asked if me and my dog were okay. i felt too awful to anwser. i just wanted it to be all over already. i wanted to go back to a month ago.

no shadow demons.
i dont like this.
i never did.

it was quiet for a bit.

"valentine, do you think you can walk? i think we need to leave this place before the phantoms find out we're here." ashlyn questioned me.

"lets see." using my hand to guide me, and a little bit of help from taylor and ben, i was able to stand after a bunch of pain.

standing hurt, but i didnt need to support myself on any walls anymore, and i could walk with the support of someone else.

we had only a few minutes left of the night, so by the time we had loaded into my van, we had woken up. talk about good timing, ashlyn.

i looked over to kassie, who was fast asleep, peacefully.

it was cold in my van. and my whole body was shivering. i could hear it pouring outside, at least i wasnt out there.

my phone buzzed, getting a notification from logan.

"are you okay in there?" i looked over to the bus from inside my van, and sure enough, logan was there, looking at me.

i shot him a thumbs up, before texting him..
"bit cold in here. heater's broken."

i took a deep sigh, which i could see in the cold air. it fogged up my windows, and caused a small cloud to form in the cold air. i really.. *really* regretted not bringing a sweater. oh well. nothing i could do about that now.

"yeah. taylor said your van was pretty busted in the phantom realm too."

"i know! this thing will explode before winter break, i swear!" i chuckled lightly.

"...so now what?" i questioned.

"go back to sleep 😊"

"is that a threat?"

"no, its what we do when we wake up!"

"oh. sorry. im stupid."

i pinched the bridge of my nose in embarrassment, before turning off my phone. and i lied there in silence.

the occasional yelling from the bus for the next five minutes occasionally broke up the lack of noise, but other than that, and the constant tapping of rain on the roof of the van, it was completely, utterly quiet. and cold. and lonely.

...and *very* cold, what the hell? i knew i was wearing a tee-shirt and very thin baggy pants but holy hell it was so cold. i think i sat in that van for about an hour and a half curled up in a ball shivering before falling asleep.

only to be waken up by a phone call. from my aunt.

i hesitated for a second. i didnt want to hear another rant from her. i knew what this was about. it was 3:01 am. i wasnt awake enough for this shit.

but i sighed, and picked up. i still dont know why i did that.

"silas. where the *fuck* did you take my van." not a "hello", not a "how are you"...

just immidiate agression right off the bat. at least we share some blood.

it was pouring out, but i didnt care. i left the van so poor kassie didnt have to hear me raise my voice.

"maybe because you KICKED ME OUT FOR THE NIGHT. shut the fuck up anne. listen to yourself!"

"you dont tell me to listen to myself, where the fuck did you take my van?"

"absolutely fucking not! you kick me out for the night, i have every right to take the van you never use at all! im not listening to you anymore! you havent even fixed this thing in three years, you just want to know im not going anywhere! i know damn well you had no intent to fix it either. dont try to come get me to go to cello practice either. fuck off, lady." i whisper yelled. i didnt want to wake anyone up.

"DONT EVEN BOTHER BRINGING IT BACK, SILAS. IF YOU COME BACK TO THIS FUCKING HOUSE I WILL SHOOT YOU *AND* YOUR FUCKING DOG, SO HELP M-" i ended the call before she could get another word in.

i sighed. a warm tear streamed down my face, nothing compared with the hundreds of thousands of raindrops that were drenching me already. i was cold and wet and angry.

"you woke me up." i knew it was ashlyn. but she didnt have an angry or bitter tone.

"im sorry, i didnt realize i was being so loud." i mumbled. the sound of the rain hitting every surface available sounded like it was shushing me.

"you werent being loud, my ears are just sensitive."

"oh!" i responded after a few seconds, only to continue. "so did you hear-"

"i heard her more than you. i wish i could help."

"its fine. i dont know you that well anyways. i can sleep at my friend's place." something about responding honestly like that felt so *off.*

she was clearly annoyed, but eventually went back inside the bus (she was already in, technically, but under the steps..) and went back to sleep.

i was now soaked. and cold. and alone. too busy contemplating everything about my life, and crying in the front seat of my van. at least the rain stopped.

around four hours later, when everyone was leaving, i pulled out of the glorified junkyard and drove off, back to the studio.

my home... not away from home.

that house was never ment for me.

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