Try Again

2. Back In the Game

The day had finally come. Today was the Vipers' first pre-season game. I had been a complete nervous wreck about going to the game since Marcus had first surprised me with the tickets.  I had told myself that I was just going to tell Marcus I couldn't go or if worst came to worst I would pretend that I had caught some kind of bug and wouldn't be able to go.

But when I had woken up that morning, I realised that there was no way I was going to be able to lie convincingly to Marcus about being sick. You would think after all of my years lying and sneaking around with Deacon I would have become the master at deceiving people, but this was different. I didn't HAVE to lie now. 

If Marcus had of given me the tickets last year, I would have jumped at the chance and thought nothing else of it. I would have enjoyed going to a football game with the man I had been seeing and got involved in the whole experience without any care in the world.

Why should it be any different now? Deacon and I hadn't seen each other in a little over 5 years and we had both agreed to go on and live our lives without one another in it. He had moved on, with a few supermodels and actresses since we had broken up and I was happily in a relationship with Marcus, who never asked me to lie about our relationship or tried to hide me and pretend we didn't have any romantic feelings towards one another.

I'm sure if Deacon and I did see each other after the game today we could be civil for a few minutes before we went back to living our own separate lives. I was making the whole situation bigger than it actually was.

...............

Marcus and I took the train into the football stadium as parking and traffic was an absolute nightmare during game days. We sat amongst the hundreds of other supporters of the Vipers with a sea of mostly black and green jerseys flooding the train, with the occasional yellow and purple jersey strewn amongst it all. Marcus and I held hands as we walked with the massive crowd from the train station up to the stadium. As we reached the stadium, I looked at the impressive structure and took it all in. No matter how many times I had been here it still amazed me how massive and full of life this building was. 

I had missed coming to games after Deacon and I had broken up. I couldn't physically bring myself to be anywhere near anything relating to football. Just the thought of being near it was enough to make me nauseous and emotional. During that time, all I saw it as, was the place that took away the one thing I loved the most in the world. 

It wasn't until I finished university and got my teaching degree that I attempted to get back into the football culture. I had been working at the high school for a term when I was coerced into supervising a school rewards trip to a football game. Back then, like today, I had made a big deal about having to go there and how it was just going to be the most terrible thing I had to do, but once I was inside the stadium in my seat, watching the game, amongst the cheering and the incredible atmosphere, I realised how much I still loved it all. 

I was the only person stopping me from moving on from the past and enjoying the little things in life, like going to a footy match.

Deacon had moved on and moved to a completely different state to begin his own adventure playing for the Chargers. During his time there he had become very successful in the NRL- he got moved to a starting position in the game and became a beloved player to the fans and the football world. He had achieved his lifelong dream of being an NRL player and I could genuinely say- I was finally happy for him.

...........

Marcus and I finally shuffled our way through the gates with the huge crowd and made our way to our seats. We were literally right in the action and would be able to see everything. My excitement peaked. I looked out at the field and realised that the players were coming out to warm up. First the opposing team and then slowly the home team began to appear... that is when I saw him.

The last time I had seen him we were both crying and sobbing together on my apartment floor saying good-bye to one another, holding each other so tight, not wanting to let go because we knew what had to happen when we did.

All of the memories of him and I came rushing back to me in an instant. Memories that I thought I had forgotten were suddenly clear as day, as if they only happened yesterday. Seeing his face, in person, just a few metres away from me, a sudden wave of emotion came over me. I bit my lip as I held back my tears, willing them to disappear before Marcus noticed. 

"No Cooper we are not doing this- and we definitely aren't doing it today!"  I scolded myself internally.  I straightened up in my seat and cleared my throat a couple times until I felt like I had gained some of my composure back. 

"Go Vipers!"

I yelled encouragingly as I clapped for the team and then leaned back in my chair and reached for Marcus' hand. I looked over at him and gave him a cheerful smile as he smiled back and squeezed my hand tight. 

Time to watch some football. Kick some arse Deacon.