Aaron Hotchner Short Stories

Shattered

Aaron had spent many years of his life crafting the perfect mask, one he planned on taking off for those he loved but kept on around those he couldn't trust. He realised too late that this mask had sooner become a part of him, one that caused him to seem cold, and harsh. In his heart, Aaron was a warm man, soft, loving and deeply passionate about those he loved. But this gentle heart was often overlooked as his serious mask took control of his life, career and relationships.

This mask had allowed him to meld perfectly with his role at the BAU, melding it to his personality and his very being. The job was him and he was his job. His mask made it difficult for him to separate his job and home life, constantly analysing, worrying and overthinking everything he did. He was a rational man, one whose heart was often overlooked, replaced by his analytical mind and a frown plastered on his face.

His team often would describe him as a control freak, a bit of a prick and a hard-ass. He didn't mind, it meant his mask worked. It worked too well, keeping his head on the job and forgetting about his wife and son at home. Haley even believed at times that he didn't care, that he was too serious, that he was too stuck in his career. It's why she left him, it was also partly why she loved him. She knew that when it came to their safety, hers and Jack's, Aaron would do anything he needed to keep them safe. Aaron knew the same. Thus, losing her to the hands of Foyet was something that made his perfectly sculpted mask crack. He allowed himself a few moments where the mask was torn from his face, composure broken and his heart was allowed to feel every ounce of pain.

Only when he was finally able to hold his son in his arms again, knowing that the threat was neutralised... dead, only downstairs from where he cradled his son close to his chest, did his mask goes back on. The crack in the mask was never fully healed. Even as he met the newest agent on his team two years later.

She was young, wore her heart on her sleeve and loved deeply for those around her. He thought he would never meet someone who could break down his walls and chip away at his stone-cold mask with ease. He didn't think he would be able to feel safe around anyone new, let alone grow to love her. He also truly never believed that he would lose control again, just as he did the day Haley was taken from him.

But then again, even he could be wrong sometimes.

For all the times his mask was his solace, it was also his burden. Getting to know the young agent, and allowing her into his heart, his trusted circle; was not easy. His mask often made him seem unapproachable like he didn't like her; it could not have been further from the truth. He liked her too much, afraid to let her in, afraid to lose her like he did his late wife. It took him every ounce of strength he had, every shred of faith he had in his mask to not let his true feelings out. He knew it was wrong, he was at least 15 years her senior and was her boss. So Aaron hid behind his mask once again.

She never thought her petty crush on her boss would ever be reciprocated, so was she shocked when she learned the truth.

The case they were working on had not been easy on anyone, a joint task force with other FBI units hunting a well-known and sought-after suspect. However, it struck a very particular, quiet personal chord within Aaron. The victims looked all too similar to her. Same body shape, hair colour and length, and eye colour. It was not his idea to send her undercover to lure the Unsub out, but it was one he couldn't have denied seemed like the right choice. So he had agreed with the agent's suggestion. If only he had trusted his heart, it pounded in his ears, begging him to disagree and think of another strategy. If only he had raised his concerns. But ever the victim to his logical brain and focused mask, he had agreed and sent her undercover.

He didn't say goodbye to her as she left. Two weeks had gone by, she made sure she stuck to their strict check-in schedule with her handler. The rest of the BAU had been forced to take other cases while they waited for her to gather intel or something came up. The call he revived from Strauss had been one he dreaded. She, his agent, the girl he had a child-like crush on, had missed two of her check-ins. She was in the wind for 36 hours and time was only going by quicker it seemed. The team and he rushed to the operation base camp where they hurriedly worked together to locate the missing agent.

Another 13 hours after Aaron had been notified were they getting ready to storm the building where she was suspected of being held. Aaron was first out the door, Morgan and Reid getting in the SVU with him. He hadn't even waited for them to get in the car properly before he sped off, tyres spinning on the road beneath them. The location was a 30-minute drive from them if he had been doing the speed limit, they made it there in half that.

Aaron vaguely remembers Reid begging him to wait for backup, that she would be okay for a few minutes more, but these words had fallen on deaf ears. Aaron knew his metaphorical mask had slipped and might as well have been sitting in the jet still, where he had been as he received the call. He knew that he was showing his true feelings in his usually bitter, stern expression. Morgan and Reid looked amongst themselves as their boss almost entirely kept from the driver's seat and rushed towards the side entrance of the building. The two agents rushed to catch up with him to provide some form of backup at least.

But Aaron, was on a rampage, something out of an action film. As he got to the door, two guards sat there, playing a card game before their bodies fell limp, courtesy of two bullets fired from Aaron's gun. He took note from Morgan's book and kicked down the door and charged his way in. He didn't care how many people had to die till he got to her, he couldn't lose her like he lost Haley. He couldn't lose her at all.

No one except Aaron could be entirely sure of what happened next, and even he truly cannot remember. He was almost possessed. Taken over by his anger, his fear and his passion. He went into a blind rage, Morgan and Reid unable to keep up with his movements through the building. All Aaron remembers is bursting into a room where she was stripped and hanging from the ceiling by her hands, her feet only just off the ground. The next thing he remembers is cradling her in his arms, checking for a pulse and a voice screaming for a medic. He felt her hand grip his arm as she looked into his eyes with fear. She was speaking, he tried to listen.

"Please don't let me die Hotch.... I... I'm scared. It's cold"

Any remnants of a mask he had left had completely shattered at the sound of fear in her gentle voice. He soon felt the presence of the two agents he arrived with, followed by a medical team and further backup. She didn't want to let go of him, as if he was holding her together, keeping her alive. He held her hand as best as he could, tears falling from his eyes and his breath becoming ragged.

Aaron hated hospitals, but he also had never felt more grateful to be in one, sat by her bedside as he waited for her to wake. Aaron had realised his mask was long gone and there was no point trying to craft it again. He could use the lack of a mask to his advantage. It could make him a better profiler, a better father and a better man. He could be better for his son, and his team but also her. The second she wakes he will confess everything, swear to protect her and hold her close to his chest. He will promise not to put a mask back on his face, and rather would take a note from her book and proudly wear his heart on his sleeve; at least while he wasn't on the job.