Aaron Hotchner Short Stories

Panic (hotch x fem!reader)

A/N: CW for panic attack, angst, hurt/comfort, forgiveness, communication issues

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"That's it. I've had enough." Those five words were her worst nightmares come true. The sharp tone in each letter dug a deeper wound into her chest. He slammed the file he was holding down onto his desk as he pushed his chair out to stand at his full height. And Y/n had never felt so small.

You've done it this time.

Through all of the little fights they have had throughout their relationship, she could not place what it was that sent him over the edge. Her world was crumbling around her. Had she gone too far? Had she said something she wasn't supposed to? Was he just fed up because she was annoying? Did he love her?

She was frozen in place, not moving even an inch and she held her breath. It was as if she could suddenly hear the buzz of electricity filling the air around her, silencing every other noise from the outside world. The buzz and ringing in her ear was overwhelming and she could feel every muscle in her body tensing at the sound. She just stared at him, not able to process anything at this moment as her eyes glazed over and her throat dried up.

Aaron was saying something, but it fell on deaf ears. She tried to focus on him, really she did, but the buzz in her ear only continued to grow in volume. If she had been able to think she would have recognised that he was talking to her, not at her. He was asking for her to say something, do something.

Seconds felt like hours to her. Her veins filled with ice and her body froze in position. Her world was muffled and she couldn't remember how to blink, how to breathe. She tried to move, tried to say something but her thoughts were keeping her pinned.

See he didn't love you. Someone that loved you would be able to deal with this.

He's going to leave you.

You fucked it up this time.

If he hits you, you deserve it.

You are your mother's child.

This is why everyone leaves you. You are too much. Even Aaron doesn't want you.

You did this to yourself.

"Y/n?" Suddenly, the buzzing stopped, her muscles relaxed and the world came back into focus.

"Baby breathe..." Aaron so very carefully placed his hands on her cheeks, anger completely washed away as he noticed the almost catatonic state his wife was in. "It's okay. In and out, you can do it."

The feeling of hands on her made a sob fall from her lips and her body started to melt into his grasp. The tears slipping from her eyes soaked his shoulder as she buried her face there. She felt like she had no control over her body's reactions and that her emotions were taking over. Her head throbbed and she struggled to breathe, hiccuping sobs escaping her throat.

Her eyes were wide with panic and her hands came up to claw at her throat, trying to force herself to breathe. Aaron grasped her frantic hands and met her eyes, bending down in front of her. She followed suit, eyes focused on Aaron's chest. She mimicked his movements, finding the knowledge of how to breathe again as she watched his chest move with his breathing.

"It's okay baby, just breathe. In and out. I'm here." His words were careful and quiet as if he was wrapping her up in a warm blanket of comfort with just his voice. "I'm not going anywhere."

Tears were free falling from her eyes and she was almost vibrating she was shaking so much. Her heart hammered in her chest and her jaw fell open as she sucked in deep breaths.

After some time, she started to calm down. Aaron picked her up in his arms and carried her to their bedroom, placing her on the bed before going to move away. Before he could even take a full step, her hand shot out and gripped his wrist tightly. Her hand was wrapped around him so intensely he figured he would probably bruise. It was clear she was focusing her strength on keeping him there. "Please don't leave me."

"Y/n, I'm not going anywhere. I was just going to grab a water bottle for you, but I can stay here." He could see she hesitated for a moment before releasing her grip ever so slightly.

If he leaves, it's your fault.

He could see the internal battle going on behind her eyes and leant down to kiss her forehead. "My love I will just be a moment. I promise. Then we can talk okay?" She built up the courage to nod her head and let her hand drop to her side. He watched as she curled into herself before he exited the room.

Upon his return, he sat at her feet and handed her the water bottle. She thankfully took it, not meeting his eyes as she unscrewed the cap and took a sip. He hesitated for a moment before placing a hand on her knee. He winced as she flinched ever so slightly, causing him to remove his hand and keep it in his lap.

"I'm sorry." Both of them spoke at the same time, voices dripping with regret and sadness.

"You don't have anything to be sorry for, my love." She met his eyes as he spoke, shaking her head and clenching her jaw momentarily.

"No, I do. I shut down and panicked over nothing. I manipulated you into taking care of me when you were angry with me. I didn't hear you out like an adult should, like your wife should." She paused and held up her hand when Aaron tried to interject. "I behaved like a spoiled child. I should have listened to you and talked to you so we could figure it out, but I didn't. For that, I'm sorry Aaron."

Aaron waited for a moment, ensuring she was done before he spoke. "You have nothing to apologise for y/n, truly. I overreacted and took out my frustrations from work on you when you did absolutely nothing wrong. I used my body language to intimidate you and cause you to go into your shell. I should never have gotten so cross with you when you didn't do anything except try to support me. So, my love, I'm the one who should be apologising. Y/n I'm sorry."

She shook her head at him and reached out her hands, which he instantly took, placing gentle kisses all over them. "Aaron you don't need to apologise. Maybe we both handled it the wrong way." Her words caused Aaron to nod, pulling her into his chest for a tight hug.

"I love you. I promise I won't ever put you in that position again. I promise."

"Same goes, Aar. I love you so much. I promise too."