For You, I'll Betray the World

XVIII

Alver took off his robe the moment he found Cale and his company. Cale was pale and sicklier than he was when he last saw him. He was engulfed in Choi Han's arms. Heaving heavily with breaths sounded like whistles.

He couldn't help but reach out.

Somehow, there was some kind of force that was telling him to find Cale and bring him back. That force is trying to shelter this man and let him do nothing but Cale is a free person.

"Hm." Cale groaned after feeling his touch.

Choi Han merely looked at him and nodded.

"How long has he been sick?"

"He's sick for four days now, Your Highness." Ron replied.

Four days. He wanted to tell them to take him to the doctor, but he knew that no matter what happened or who came to help, Cale would not feel any better.

Alver once attempted to give him the star of healing, an ancient power that heals everything but can only be used once in a lifetime.

Regardless of how Cale tried to absorb it, the star of healing remained stationary.

It remained unchanged, in his hand, glittering sadly and lighting a melancholic gaze of a man about to die.

Not only that, Count Henituse finally approached. Choi Han and the rest were about to move, but Deruth simply raised his hand and whispered, "I'm just here to see him."

Choi Han tightened his embrace over Cale. Deruth noticed it and smiled.

He... never held Cale this close after the day he lost Jour.

He never had the chance to hold Cale as if he were the most important in the world.

It was late... too damn late for regrets.

He simply brushed Cale's hair and handed them money and medicine to help Cale get by. He didn't say anything, just held Cale's hand, and kissed it reverently.

"I know... I have no right to act like a good father," he whispered, he's too late—tooo damn late to regret.

No matter how much he screamed and wondered where Cale was, he knew—his side is not where Cale is supposed to be.

He failed to recognize his pain, and the seasons changed.

He removed his cloak and draped it over Cale.

He looked at Ron and said, "If anything happens, call or use the name Henituse however you like."

It does not matter anymore.

Even if his name is tainted or he is destined to fail, he will do everything in his power to keep Cale safe. Even if it is the only thing he has accomplished in this life.

He won't ask for forgiveness.

He won't ask for another chance.

Cale would hate it. He knew that.

No matter where his child will be...

"I will love you no matter where you are."

Whispering in pain. Dearth stood up and left. If Cale knew, he would be in pain again.

Alver Crossman remained.

"Please don't tell Cale." Alver pleaded. "Please."

Choi Han looked at everyone.

"Yes. We'll keep it a secret."

"Thank you."

Alver smiled and gave the letter to Ron.

"Tell Cale not to push himself too much."

Then he left.

.

.

That day, Cale had a dream.

He had a dream of himself enjoying an afternoon tea. Children surrounding him, his loved ones around him. He stared at it, watching it with a broken heart.

His tears flowed uncontrollably down his cheeks. He slowly opened his eyes and looked at Choi Han, whose palm wiped away his tears. He looked at him and smiled. He remembered their first meeting when he told this guy many painful things, mostly selfish ones.

"Have you had a sad dream, Cale-nim?"

The man who used to warn and threaten him asked him in such a gentle tone. In that dream, Choi Han looked more relaxed and free. In that dream, he's smiling more truthfully than he is doing right now.

"No, it was a delightful dream."

Cale used to be extremely dishonest with everyone. He used to swallow his tears and pain. He used to despise the act of cowardice. But it does not matter anymore.

"I dreamed of a place where everyone was having afternoon tea." He smiled. His head was throbbing, and his ears were ringing. "It was a dream in which everyone was happy and living peacefully."

The only difference was that he was a bystander and a spectator during that moment.

There was someone much more wonderful than him.

That is what caused him to cry.

"Choi Han." He called, "It's painful, Choi Han."

He couldn't help but just be honest and say all this with pain in his voice.

"Living, that is."

But Cale had no choice. He had no choice at all.

Choi Han slowly rose from the bed and embraced him tightly. Calee could not stop himself from becoming increasingly terrified. No one would be able to keep him this tight forever. Soon, he will not be able to spend any more time with them.

At the end.

I am afraid of death.

When confronted with death, people often experience forced emotions to avoid regret.

Even though he cares deeply about others, they will never respond in the way he expects.

"I... miss my family Choi Han."

He grabs Choi Han's arm and holds it tightly. He sank into his arms, tears streaming down his cheeks. He could not help but bury his head in the crook of Choi Han's arms and cry for the first time in all three regressions.

"I miss it, but I know it will not make me happy."

What exactly is he afraid of?

He is afraid of living the same lives as in previous regressions. To be loved in the face of death only.

"I just... want to..."

"It's alright, Cale-nim..." Choi Han said earnestly in his ears. "It is fine..."

He is afraid of something that he should be used to.

"It will be fine Cale-nim. You do not have to get used to pain." Choi Han said, "It is alright to not get used to pain so... just be honest, Cale-nim."

"It is okay to cry, Cale."

Behind every sweet smile hides a bitter sadness that no one can see or feel.

His call of disdain and anger was met once more with warmth and tenderness.

"You are human with feelings, and no one will notice if you do not say anything."

No one ever cried for him. No one ever shed tears for him.

But, Choi Han. This man—he's crying his heart out for him.

"You are a perfectly strong person, Cale-nim. So don't be afraid."

TBC