Sometimes I wonder what you're thinking
Like how could you want to fuck me
Yk ME someone you watched grow up
Someone who's the same age as your daughter
I could never figure out what you think
And that's scary
What are you thinking?
Why do you want me?
What do you expect from me?
Wtf do you want me to do?
As disgusting as it is do you want my body?
Do you want me as a whole?
Are u in love with me or just want sex?
I always wonder what's in your head
What made you tell me?
Do you trust me that much?
How am I supposed to process this information?
How did u expect me to react?
How do you want me to react?
Do you want me to just give in?
It's disgusting...but I'm scared
I'm scared if u don't get me you'll get your babygirl
I'm scared for the pain you might put her through
I would rather let you touch me than her
She's innocent she's just a child who doesn't know much about the world
She wouldn't know what you're doing to her isn't normal and wrong
I've thought about it
If you could want me could u want her?
Do you want her?
Will u tarnish your babygirl's innocence
Or just mine?
Or is it that I'm not innocent
Is it that I'm mature
Is it that I act as if I've seen it all
Is it that I listened to you
Or is it that I was forced into maturity
Or how I talk to you
You told me you've thought of getting head in your car by me
Did u imagine that while I was in the car
Or was it later
When did you want to do such things to me?
When did it start?
Did it start when I started trusting you
You know a lot and I'm scared to stop
Is it bad that I still seek comfort from you
Is it bad that I still trust you
I bet if we were to be alone again I would tell you everything that's been going on
The full truth
Did you make me feel that way so you could touch me?
Or was it pure?
Can I trust it?
Can I trust you?
Can I let my guard down again?
Would I let my guard down without realizing?
If you tried something and I said no would you stop?
The amount of breakdowns you got me through
The things I've told you
You had a special place in my heart
I think that never changed
As fucked up it may sound
Is it bad that I feel like you wouldn't do anything as long as I say no
Is it bad that I'm scared you're going to touch babygirl if you don't get to me
Is it bad that Everytime we hug I know you wish it was longer
I know you wish it was tighter
I know you pay more attention to me
I seen you
I know you're watching how I move
How I talk
How I walk
Even how I breathe
I don't know how to feel about you
I'm scared to make eye contact with you
I feel like you're looking deep into me
I feel like you know everything
Is it bad if you offered me alcohol
I Would take it
I would trust you enough not to make a move knowing how vulnerable I may be
When I say "I love you" I know when you say it back u mean it differently
I know when you call me "luv" you mean it differently
I saw warning signs
But they blended in
They weren't big
Yk when you first told me I couldn't believe it
It's giving denial
I don't know what you want me to do
I don't know how to process this information
I don't know how to be okay with this
I don't know how to feel with it
I do know that you wish our conversations were longer
Everytime I text you add on
Even if we're done you text something else
You prolong it
I don't know how to feel
It's weird knowing that you probably still have those pictures
It's weird seeing your dick
Everytime I see you it just pops up
Sometimes I just want to throw up
Sometimes I wonder if you're grooming me
Or planning to
I just can't understand what you would want with ME
Like out of all people me
Why me?
Why when you know it's wrong?
What if people were to find out?
Is it that no matter what people say you would still feel the same
WHY DO YOU EVEN FEEL THIS WAY?
Every fucking guy I get close with turns out this way
WTF IS IT ABOUT ME?
IS IT HOW I LOOK?
HOW I TALK?
HOW I MAKE YOU FEEL?
DO I MAKE U FEEL MOST COMFORTABLE WHEN YOURE WITH ME?
WHY THE FUCK DO YOU FEEL LIKE THAT?
Out of everyone in this world you could fuck, date,fucking love why me?
The fucked up thing is if you had babygirl with you and you tried something on me I would just let it happen
"Why?" you may ask
What if you were unsatisfied and tried her someone you have access to the only girl you have access to
I would have to
I would let it happen to prevent it to happening to her
She's too special
She's too innocent
I would let you do what you want with me as long as she's safe
I would shut the fuck up and let it happen
I would act as if nothing happened after
And tell FUCKING NO ONE
and I'm scared to see how you would react if you were to find out that someone else knows
I wonder if you think about me as much as I think about you
Daily you're in my head
I think of you raping me and then I go smoke my cigarette and think of it more
It's in my head daily no matter what i do to get it out
It's like I have no choice
It's like it's going to happen one way or another
And I know it's going to fuck me up really bad
But I also feel like I deserve it
I wonder am I clouded in your mind as much as you are in mines
Are your thoughts "good" unlike mines
