Emmanuel tightened his bow, his heart pounding in his chest as he took his place on the stage. He loved the feeling of being in the orchestra, the way the music seemed to vibrate through every cell in his body. But tonight, his nerves had nothing to do with the upcoming performance.
Hector, his boyfriend, was acting strange. They'd been together for months, their relationship a secret they guarded carefully. Being gay wasn't something you advertised when you went to a conservative school like theirs. But with Hector, Emmanuel had felt safe. Happy, even.
Until DJ transferred into their orchestra class.
DJ was everything Emmanuel was not - outgoing, flashy, and straight. Or so Emmanuel thought, until he caught Hector and DJ laughing together, their heads bent in a way that made Emmanuel's stomach twist with jealousy.
Now, as the conductor raised her baton, Emmanuel couldn't help but sneak glances at Hector. He was seated to Emmanuel's left, his dark hair messy as always, his eyes fixed intently on the music in front of him. Emmanuel's heart ached as he remembered the way Hector used to look at him like that, his eyes warm with affection.
The music swelled, Emmanuel's violin singing out along with the others. But his mind was elsewhere, replaying every moment he'd seen Hector with DJ. The way Hector smiled at him, the way he found excuses to touch DJ's arm.
By the time intermission rolled around, Emmanuel felt sick. He set his violin down carefully, his hands shaking. He had to talk to Hector, had to find out what was going on.
He found Hector in the hallway, DJ by his side. Emmanuel's heart twisted as he watched Hector shove DJ playfully, the two of them laughing like they were old friends.
"Hey," Emmanuel said, trying to sound casual. Hector looked up, meeting his eyes. For a moment, Emmanuel saw a flicker of the boy he used to know, the boy who'd held his hand and told him he loved him. Then DJ said something, and Hector's attention was back on him, a smile spreading across his face.
Emmanuel felt a pang of jealousy, sharp as a knife. "We should talk," he said, trying to keep his voice level. Hector looked at him, then at DJ, who was watching them with interest.
"Yeah, okay," Hector said finally. He followed Emmanuel to an empty classroom, his footsteps echoing behind him. Emmanuel spun as soon as the door was shut, trying to read Hector's face.
"What's going on?" he demanded. Hector shrugged, looking at the floor. "Nothing, Manny. I don't know why you're so upset."
"Don't lie to me," Emmanuel said, his voice shaking. "I've seen you with DJ. I know what I saw."
Hector sighed, raking a hand through his hair. "Look, okay? DJ and I, we're just friends. That's all."
"Friends?" Emmanuel echoed, feeling a bitter laugh rise up in his throat. "You were never like that with me, Hector. You never flirted with me, never touched me in front of other people. But with DJ...it's like you're a different person."
Hector looked at him, his eyes softening. "I'm sorry, Manny. I didn't mean to hurt you."
"You're not even denying it," Emmanuel said, feeling a hot sting of tears in his eyes. "You're really doing this, aren't you? You're really going to throw away what we had for some straight boy who will never feel the same way about you."
Hector looked at him, his face pale. "I don...Emmanuel, I don't know. Okay? I don't know what I want anymore."
Emmanuel felt a pang of pain, sharp as a knife. "Well, maybe you should figure it out," he said, his voice barely above a whisper. "Because until you can look me in the eye and tell me you love me, until you can hold my hand in public without flinching, I don't want to see your face."
He turned and walked away, leaving Hector standing there alone. It hurt, more than he could have ever imagined. But as he took his place back on the stage, his violin singing out with a sorrow he'd never felt before, he knew he was doing the right thing.
Because Emmanuel deserved better. He deserved someone who loved him, truly and openly. And if Hector couldn't be that person, then he was better off alone.
