Big Time Song Bird | James Diamond

double take and never give

Today was the day that Crowe had to start acting lessons. And she was stressing out.

Well, it was more like full on panicking and sweating through her shirt. The idea of being on tv terrified her, but at least none of it would be live so millions of people could see her fuck up and die of embarrassment. But even then, who knows if she'll be able to form proper sentences in front of a large group of people filming her every move.

Kelly had informed her yesterday of what Gustavo had planned for her and the band, giving Crowe a sheet of paper with lines to practice with in preparation for class. Reading her lines while cleaning her apartment or reorganizing the shelves was easy enough. Moving to the mirror in her bathroom though, got her stammering and avoiding eye contact with even herself. Crowe found it incredibly annoying and stupid that she was acting like this, or not acting. It was hard for her to not overthink this.

"It's fine," Looking at the light brown eyes in the mirror. "Just. I have to just," Darting her eyes around the dirty bathroom. "Say this line." Bringing the sheet up and not a single noise coming out. She slunk down to the floor and sighed. "Maybe I'm not cut out for this. He can't be right." Everything was silent aside from next door. It sounded lively over there, but laughing brought her back to the script, sighing once more.

And continued to sit. Until she felt a small wet spot on her pants, "What the-" Crowe shot up and stepped away from the mysterious liquid. "Ew ew ew ew, gross." Groaning and blocking it out of her mind.

But if she had to do this to stay in school which means staying a songwriter for the band and Gustavo, then she had to push herself out of her comfort zone. It's easier for her to stay and fight through the anxiety plaguing her all through the night than going back and dealing with loneliness for the rest of her life.

So on the way to Rocque Records the next day, the only thing Crowe did was ready her voice with some tongue twisters and memorization of her lines. Fumbling her words when one of the boys was looking in her direction, starting over and over again. And Carlos thought it was a fun game in seeing how much he could make Crowe stutter her lines. He got up to five times before she finally gave up.

Logan was the one who asked, "So, is that for the acting role you're gonna do?" The rest looked at her and she answered, wanting to rest as much as she could before getting to work. Putting the folder down on her lap, "No. Well, technically. But this is for my acting class. I don't have a role yet." She didn't know how many classes she had to take before landing a part, let alone auditioning for one.

But it has to be soon or I'll get kicked out of school. It's easy for her to overthink.

"And you have to do that?" Kendall knew nothing about the details of what she had to do to be in school, only hearing it in a passing statement from Kelly. "Yeah. If I wanna stay living here," she began to count out her list, "Be your guys' assistant, be a songwriter and get away from the cold, depressing weather. Then yeah." Crowe didn't want to lose any of this or do anything that could potentially get her fired.

She laid her head back, waiting for the drive to be over.

*

"You," Gustavo and an older woman, presumably the acting coach, entered the empty room where Crowe was quietly waiting. "Are you ready to be on the big screen?" He seemed to be in good spirits, probably because he got away from the band for a minute.

"Should I answer that?" Crowe second guessed herself in wanting to do this. Thinking for a split second to change it to singing, but only for a microsecond. Darting her eyes between the two adults and swallowing her fear.