Stigmata Martyr // fyodor x reader

Mournful letters

Dear Simone,

I miss hearing your voice. All I do now is wander around in this painful and cruel place. This life, my soul and the whole universe, everything is rotten. I can't recall when was the first time I felt this empty hole rising inside of me. Or maybe it was there since I was born, since I took my first breath. Maybe I am just that black hole, that void. Pinch-black winter nights are made out of my breaths and blood.

You weren't right, Simone, I have to say it no matter how awful it makes me feel, but you were wrong about me. I'm not a miracle, I'm a disaster, I'm chaos, I'm the storm. I don't bring anything lovely, I'm not a flower, like you said, with elegant blackthorns. Because, dear Simone, flowers crave light and feed on it, otherwise, they'll waste their potential and start to dry. Me, on the other side, I don't dry in darkness, exactly the opposite, I absorb it. I'm just a immense sinful void that sucks in all the light and hope of this world and that's why I should be kept in the immoral darkness.

Where is God? Who to pray to when your hands are bloody? Where to go when you're out of your mind? Bloodthirsty beasts like me aren't welcome anywhere.

Enough about me, Simone, what about you? My dearest, answer my letters. Look at me, I'm begging you. Don't leave me alone. Just once more to see you, Simone, please. I'm aware of my selfishness but I'm bleeding and my wounds are open and fresh no matter how much time it passes. Time doesn't heal anything, it's a story for the brainwashed fouls. Time only makes you forget the story but the wound stays on your soul and makes you remember the pain. Every move I make reminds me of you. I've became what I always hated and you must hate me for it but my soul is still shattered and it's a grotesque feeling. I'm getting the punishment for all the crimes I've committed...

With love, Y/N
I miss you.