Ranting

Boy Advice

Hey baes I really need advice right now I'm a literal mess!

So last summer there was this guy and so he added me on Snapchat and I was like fuck it so I added him back. He asked me what do I look like etc and said I was pretty and all and that was it. We dry snapped each other for like a month or two until last June and he full faced snapped me so I full face snapped him back and it was kind of that and half face snaps for a week.

The one night it was like 1 am in the morning and I snapped him and he snapped me back and was like "ur still up' and whatever and I was like yep but literally none of my friends are awake, which was not true because all my friends stay up til five but they don't text me unless if it's homework or test related. He was like same but OBVIOUSLY LIED because he had a head set on him. Just to mention this lad was so fucking hot! And we talked and talked til like 4 or 5 am and I said that I was tired and was going to bed so he was like goodnight ❤️ and I was like I  love literally and bear in mind I have never even met this lad.

This happened for like a week so we would talk from 10 pm til 4 every night and obviously during the day. It was literally like I was in the song lavender haze by Taylor Swift which is actually the song I would use to describe my summer. ANYWAY... Then one night he flirted with me a good bit so I did it back except when I flirt I hardcore flirt you know? And then he was all like do you like me? And I was like a little bit. Then he was like only a little bit? And I was like fine a bit more than a little bit then he was like seriouslyyyyyy? And I was like finnneeee I like youuuu. And I did like him he was so nice and sweet and all. And then he was like ok ❤️

Then I was like a few minutes after I  rlly tired I'm going to go to sleep and left him on delivered and then the next morning I saw he sent me nooo wait don't gooooo! Can I see your pretty face again? Ok ur asleep now , have a good sleep ❤️

Then the next morning I texted him and said like sorry I was asleep xx and he said it's fine x (EVERY TIME HE TEXTED ME HE PUT THE Xs IN IT WAS SO FUCKING CUTE) and he kinda dry snapped me and I was like in my own head bitch what the fuck so I sent him a picture of my dog and the replied saying cute but not as cute as you and o my fucking god I died!!! LITERALLY! 

Anyway then later in the day he was like you know the way you said you liked me last night? And I was like yep. The he was like well I like you too x

AND MY STUPID FUCKING BITCHY ASS SELF UN ADDED HIM!!!!!!!! To this day that is the biggest regret of my life but then again he was 5,5 and I was 5,7 and he also said on one of his ask me anything's he had a girlfriend I think I'm not too sure I can't remember.

Then he added me again and I was like fuck it why not so I added him back and literally 2 seconds later he was like well well well and I said to myself says I FUCK ME NO IM GETTING OUT OF HERE so I un added him.

THEN in October I added him again and he added me and I started conversations asked him how his day was every day for like a week and he was really dry about it like not that I would blame him but then everything clicked at my friends party and I was like how are you x and then we had a conversation for like an hour and I felt like throwing up every time I sent a text. He was so sweet he said I was so pretty and fit and he sent me a video of his piano solo because he had to play one for something the next day and it was so nice 

Then later MY BIPOLAR ASS SELF UN ADDED HIM AGAIN IM SUCH A STUPID ASSHOLE! and I re added him the next day and said I was so sorry and that my friends dared me to. I was talking shite out of my ass!the real reason I did was because I didn't want my sister or my parents seeing a boy was texting me and I had him muted but I was scared if they opened my phone and saw him I would get in so much trouble but I obviously didn't say that. And he was like ok and then there was a rugby match and we both were watching it and I was texting him during it every time I went out to get something from the kitchen and then he was a bit mad probs so I un added him again. And then a few months later I added him again and he said do I know you? Which kind of hurt and then I was like idk and then he was like why would you add me if you didn't know me.LIKE HE COULD SAY MUCH! but I haven't added him again

But I've been thinking about it a lot recently and I really want to text an actual nice person again who made me feel nice who wasn't by fake ass bitchy friends.

But anyway the reason I have been thinking about him a lot is because all my friends except me did a musical with his school and all they ever go on about are the fit lads in the school (I go to an all girls school he goes to an all boys school) and they are talking about their guy friends trying to set them up with fit lads and one of my friends were like talking about this one lad who was really sporty and got good grades and was really fair and I almost had a heart attack because I thought it was him (it wasn't ). 

I'm so stupid I shouldn't have un added him. I really want to talk to him again but I'm afraid. I don't know why I did those things! I'm always the "nicest person ever" who's "so kind to everyone and everything" but I feel so fucking bad for what I did to him. He probably doesn't even care idk but I really want to try again but that would just make me a bitch wouldn't it?

EVERYONE READING THIS I NEED HELP!