If I Could Feel

to my unrequited love

*Readers can skip this part, if you choose to read this is my actual thoughts and feelings *

I was tired of being the girl you could come to, the one that would have a solution for everything. Always the one to help and never received when I needed always being damaged but strive to fix the one who idly damage me.
Maybe then, if i could feel, i wouldn't have been so hurt when i was left alone or torn apart by the worst words yet..
If i were to sign a petition for giving up and never giving a crap i would. No second thoughts, no doubts, not even to look at its conditions. I would do it over a million times with a smile on my face.
BUT it's not that i couldn't feel I was broken. Set up to get hurt when i did. Bound to repeat a cycle that numbed me. So maybe being alone proved to be a weapon. i noticed the truth behind the welcoming smile of companionship and intimacy. Love was a word ment to trick someone. It was a word normal people used and excelled at conning others who fell...
If i could feel maybe, then the trust i had left in a person to protect me wouldn't have come to bite me in back, turn on me like lions, and did exactly the opposite. yet i still lied for them. I told the world i was fine when, in truth, i had lost it all..
Depression seemed to set in, and now the problem wasn't them. It was me. I told myself that I didn't deserve anything because of my experiences. i didn't expect anything but a broken heart. Still, i put on a front. I put on a smile. Still, i told you i was fine.
Maybe if i was happy, I'd tell you i am. I would smile for days on end, and I'd keep u happier, but then again, that's a pipe dream, and all dreams come to an end
Maybe if i could feel, then my bleeding heart would cease to stop bleeding, and you maybe would've understood how living a lie truly broke me. You would understand why i faked my happiness. Still, i was never as important as you made it seem, and how i quickly i became just another stranger in your dream, i wish you could see how much I'd give everything to never feel again..
Maybe if i never felt again, i wouldn't have to cry at night.. OR wouldn't have to endure the stabbing pain or the crumbling of my heart when i heard my friends call ur name
Maybe if i couldn't feel, the pain of this would ever happen bother me again And that is how i feel.