TNN: A Collection Of Short Stories

safeword (mialotte)

An: m1alott3 left me a suggestion. It reminded me of a previous experience so I thought I'd write it :))

Prompt: Charlotte uses the safeword.

Charlotte's pov:
I finish work late. I had to go to the office and fill out an incident report after a parent screamed at me infront of 4 other children. Of course i had to leave courtesy calls for all the parents due to the colourful language used. It was enraging. I had bickered with Siobhan that morning aswell. There was so many inconviences today aswell. My car wouldn't start, I forgot my wallet, just small things like that.

I wanted to go home and drown myself in a bottle of wine. Seeing Mia would cheer me up though. She was coming over that evening for dinner and to stay the night. She makes me feel safe and loved. I need to feel love tonight and forget about the day I just had.

I make it home, immediately pour a glass of wine and slump into my sofa. Not even ten minutes pass before Mia walks through the door.
"Hey sweetheart" she says placing a kiss on my lips. I smile back, feeling the anger slightly dissapate. I stand up to give her a hug, craving the warmth and comfort that comes with her.
"Are you okay?" She asks genuinely. I nod,
"Ive just missed you today" I say kissing her. I don't break the kiss. I'm desperate for this kiss and the feeling that comes with it.

Every second I spend kissing her I feel my anger wash away, every second I deepen it. At some point we wind up on the couch, my knees planted on the sofa either side of her legs. I feel delirious with affection towards her, my head is foggy.

My actions aren't my own. Nothing I'm doing is registering for me. It doesn't feel right. Her shirt ends up on the floor somewhere along with mine, and my hands end up plastered against her chest. Her hands find their way into my underwear.

I don't understand why I feel like this. I feel panicky, not nervous like I can be around Mia. The anger from the day is gone, but it's replaced with feelings of sadness and guilt. My throat and chest feel tight and I feel weirdly sticky.

I can't catch my breath and I feel tears stinging my eyes.

Say it Charlotte, say you want to stop.

I'm debating with myself. I know she won't be mad at me, Im just not sure if I'm ready for my feelings to be real. My feelings of anger and guilt.

"Bananas" I say choking up.

Mia's pov:

I knew something was wrong. She likes to use sex as a way of coping sometimes, when she doesn't want to talk about something. It's not a bad method, there's worse things that she can do.

I immediately stop. Taking a second to just look at her face. There are tears streaming down her face.

I reach down to grab our shirts and I put mine on before swiftly putting mine on. She collapses into me, sobbing. I feel awful that she feels like this. I wrap my arms around her, stroking her back.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry" she repeats, she's not breathing properly.
"Sweetheart, it's okay I'm not upset" I say kissing her head.

I've never seen her like this before. It breaks my heart. She's so overwhelmed from the day that it's resulted in her having a panic attack.

"You're safe here sweetheart" I say continuing to stroke her back.
"Your doing so well" I continue. At this point she's sat in my arms like a small child, continuing to cry.
"Shh" I coax, stroking her hair. Her ear is pressed against my chest, close to where my heart would be.
"You hear that?" I ask "my heart is beating, and you can probably hear my breathing aswell right?" She nods, still not talking.
"Just keep listening to that" I encourage.

This seems to work, within five minutes she's breathing normally and she's stopped crying. Within 10 minutes she's fallen asleep. My poor angel must be exhausted.

I stay like this with her in my lap, for a good 20 minutes before she begins to wake up. She smiles at me when she realises where she is and nestles into my chest.

"Are you okay my love" I ask her, running my thumb against her shoulder.
"I feel better now, Mia I'm so sorry that we had to stop" she starts.
"You don't have to apologise for that sweetheart." I start "it's why we have a safeword in the first place. You've had a busy day and you had a panic attack" I emphasize.
"I just wanted to forget today and you know..." She giggle playing with my fingers.
"I've noticed your new.. habit" I tease "when you have a bad day in work you basically jump my bones" I giggle, this causes her to giggle as she climbs out of my lap and sits beside me.
"I suppose I do that" she says nestling into my side and linking our fingers.

"How about I order us some food in and we talk about your day with a drink and a film?" I propose.
"That sounds perfect" she answers.
We spend that night just talking and cuddling.

An: cuties. I love them sm. Please vote review and leave suggestions. This one warmed my heart sm.
I feel healed.