Twice 10th Member Imagines

panic attack (mina)

You stood backstage along with the others, pacing back and forth. You were taking deep breaths, trying to steady your racing heart. This was your first time performing since your recent scandal. The paparazzi had caught you out late one night with a member of a boy group. The truth was, he was just your close friend and you were catching up after months apart. In reality, you were dating your own member, Mina.

His fans had sent you hate comments and death threats, telling you to stay away from him, "or else." JYP had released a statement, claiming you and him had no romantic involvement whatsoever and that you both were just friends hanging out. But his fans still persevered. 

You took it hard, despite your members being there for you. You still felt worthless after all the hate got to you.

The yelling of the staff and your manager telling you all to get ready to go on shook you out of your thoughts. Your breathing began to become erratic, the room starting to darken around the edges of your vision. You could barely make out Jihyo coming towards you, asking if you were okay, her words almost inaudible to your ears. Soon, your manager was telling you to collect yourself and hurry on stage. You felt your hands start to shake as you grabbed at your chest. 

You tried to speak, tried to explain that you couldn't go on yet, but nothing came out. It wasn't until all the girls were around you, worriedly staring at you and giving you the space you needed. They asked questions, but you couldn't hear a single thing. This was the first time this happened to you. You always had jitters before going on stage, but what was happening now was a first occurrence, so you had no idea what to do.

You shook your head before pushing through crew members, rushing out into the hallway. Everything was turning blurry as your breathing became harder and harder to control. You started to slightly run until you made your way into the empty dressing room. 

You shoved it open, slamming the door as you collapsed along the floor, your back against the wall with your knees pushed up, your arms going to wrap around them as you rocked unconsciously. 

It felt like an eternity before the door hurriedly opened and you felt arms wrap around you. You cried, not caring about anything except the thoughts of people watching you, hating you for even going out with that guy. 

"Breathe, Y/N. You're okay. You're okay, baby..." 

You couldn't make out who was beside you, but you felt immediate comfort as they gently pushed your head into their chest, rubbing your side soothingly. 

You reached up and grasped at their top, feeling the sequins and texture. You slowly looked up, finally seeing who's arms you were in. Mina.

She looked down at you and softly smiled, continuing her motions along your back now. You felt yourself calm down, but only a little. You were still crying and you couldn't breathe.

Mina understood the most what you were going through, especially after her own hiatus of her dealing with her anxiety. She didn't know you were struggling this much though...

"Mina...I-I can't-" You managed to get out, your words shaky and trembling. "I know. It's okay. Look at me," Mina replied softly and slowly. You couldn't get yourself to look into her eyes after you found out it was her who's arms you're in. You almost felt, embarrassed. Mina placed a hand gently on your jawline, lifting your head so you had to stare at her. "Breathe with me." 

You watched as she took slow, deep breaths from her chest. You followed her motions, finding it calming and before you realized it, you could finally feel air flowing into your chest. Mina reached up and rubbed your tears away, using her fingers to clean your makeup as best as she could. 

"Better?" She asked lightly. You only nodded, wrapping your arms around her waist as you both sat on the floor. She didn't rush you. She knew what you needed. "I-I'm sorry. You should go back. They're waiting-" Mina just hushed you, a slight worry in her tone. "I'm not leaving unless you're with me. They can wait. We can't go on without you, baby." 

You exhale shakily, "I don't know what happened, Mina. This hasn't happened to me before..." Mina just nods, letting you explain yourself. "You had an anxiety attack, Y/N. Do you know why?" You stay quiet for a moment before realizing, slowly nodding. "I was just thinking of all the hate, and the amount of people watching us tonight who probably hate me, then I couldn't breathe all of a sudden-" Mina shushes you softly. "Hey, that's not true at all. Those people out there are our fans. Your  fans. They're not your fans if they feel this way towards you, and they wouldn't even be here. Tell me this, how many people have defended you?" You think for a moment before letting out quietly, "A lot." Mina hums, "And how many have told you they will always stand beside you, no matter what?" "A lot," you mumble. 

Mina smiles lovingly and caresses your cheek. "Exactly. And they love you, almost as much as I do." You find yourself smiling against her touch. "Trust me, everyone out there cares for you so much. More than you can even think. When you go out there later, you'll have nine other girls, including me, standing right there next to you. If you ever feel like you can't take it anymore, just tell one of us and you can come off at anytime. No pressure at all. They'll understand." 

You nod again, now exhaling a deep breath of relief. "Okay. I'm ready. Thank you, Mina, baby. I love you so much. I'm sorry for creating a scene." Mina shook her head as she stood up, helping you as well. "Stop saying you're sorry. You did nothing wrong. At all. And you didn't create a scene. The girls are just worried about you, not mad. Now, are you ready? Or do you want a moment?"

You think for a moment, Mina gently rubbing your waist. You take a deep breath. "I'm ready." Mina smiles and grabs your hand reassuringly. "Great." She slowly leads you out the room, back towards the stage where the others worriedly stood. 

"Y/N! Are you okay?" Sana asked slightly scared. You smiled and nodded. "I'm okay, thanks to Mina. Just a little scare." You and Mina make eye contact before she nodded at you. "I'm good to go on." The girls smiled and shared their love before your manager ushered everyone up the stairs to the main stage.

You took a deep breath again as you stood in position, the lights about to flash onto you as the music started blaring. You felt a hand squeeze yours in the darkness. You didn't even have to see the person to know who it was.

You squeezed it back before you received the countdown from your in ears. You let go of their hand and smiled, feeling better knowing Mina was beside you through it all.