Devotion

thirty six ﾒ oh, now you wanna save me

ANGELICA

As I stare at the same wall upside down, I'm starting to grow bored of the life I've been born into. I never liked this life. But I stay because it gives me stability financially and my brother is my other half—literally. I'm scared for him and myself. Imagine telling one of the most powerful mafia bosses in New York City that I can't do this anymore. I can't live anymore. Because of this. Of him. It's killing me every second I'm here and alive.

Many people underestimate my well-being. I've managed to put on a facade of myself to everyone. To Luca, I'm this strong-willed bitch. Leilani, I'm a fashionista whore. Rowan, a smart twin sister. My mother, fuck knows anymore. Father, lying whore.

Another pain shoots through my eye as I stare for too long once again. "Ouch," I mutter, hiding my eyes. I don't think I can look at myself, I might throw up. I sit on the cot, adjusting my body so I can curl up and hide away from the reality I've been given. My cards have been dealt terribly. A tear falls down my eye as I just can't tolerate this anymore.

Give up. Give up, Angelica! What are you even doing this for anymore? You're shit at everything life throws your way, especially math. Don't even get me started. What a cunt. I can't even handle it like a big girl. 21 years old and as helpless as an infant. Needing your brother to bail you out of this. Can't keep a relationship. CAN'T KEEP ANYONE. I'm surprised you were able to keep Leilani for so long since you're such a goddamn mess.

By the time I had degraded myself into oblivion, I was heaving my ass off in a cold random cell. What a pussy. Covering my ears, I dig my knees into my eye socket to try and stop myself from crying. Brian and his bodyguard posse had gone off of work today so it's just me, unfortunately. As much as they all piss me off, they kept me company. Kept me from believing I was truly alone. And no one was coming for me. That hurt me the most. Not even my brother came for me. I must be so useless that I've managed to be discarded all my life.

There was so much noise, the sounds of metal clanking and rising around me. I couldn't tell if this was my last day on the Earth. "De Santis?" A familiar deep voice caught my attention. My bloodstained eyes were wiped as I noticed the blurry figure to be Luca. Unable to be responsive, I moved out of the bed and to the bars where we separated. "B?"

"Please don't cry, okay? I'm here for you," he says softly, holding a plasma torch up the bars. I step back and look around for any signs of tricks. But he's a deadass. He becomes focused on the torch as he points it toward the metal bars, burning through it after a few minutes. Once he managed to open the lock with his lock-picking skills, he hoisted himself on the crutches and moved into the cell. I stare agape at the sight and accidentally croak, "What happened? How did you manage to get knee braces and crutches?"

A smirk appears on his lips as he shakes his head. "I fucked up my knee on the ice. Some dickhead managed to tear my MCL so now I'm fucked for the rest of the season, but I'm fine. I'm more worried about this situation and how you're crying."

"Do you know why I'm here?" I ask him, growing angry. The reason, not him, although I'm pissed at him, too. It's not his fault. He's the one trying to help you remember? Right. "I'm here because that little imbecile that's obsessed with you went to the limit of getting to my parents and now, I'm here. Because of you." I point at him with a strained finger. "You did this to me."

He scoffs, laughing at my remark. "I didn't do shit but help you. Even took you in when your father fucked up your head the first time. So, don't blame me. Blame Mia."

"You. Are. Why. I'm. Here, asshole!" I yell, uncontrollably. "For fuck's sake, you came up with the stupid fake dating thing but it's just made my life a living hell. So, yeah." My demeanor calms before I get worked up again. "Plus, now you want to save me? You're as pathetic as you look," I say. Stop it, Angelica. Stop being the asshole. He's hurt too.

That remark throws him over the edge. "Oh, so now we're going off looks now?" He scrunches his brows in confusion. "When you're sporting a shitty black eye and look as fucked up as the last time. Spare me the jokes, De Santis. If anyone's pathetic, it's you."

I suck in a breath. Tears fell on my cheeks one by one. Damnit, you son of a bitch! "I'm not pathetic," I mumble, resting a hand over my eye to hide myself. "Take it back." You started it. He's going to finish it. Every time.

"You said it to me, first. You needed a taste of your own medicine, for once. I came here. Willingly. With a knee brace and two crutches on either side. Pain is 100 percent. My body aches with every step I take. I got discharged from the hospital an hour ago. My first thought is you. Stop fucking pushing me away when I'm trying to help."

I hide my face entirely. I'm too ugly to fight with. You win, Luca. "Don't help me anymore. I keep...getting in trouble. I just want to be...left alone...stop being my...friend," I say through tearful words.

"You make absolutely no sense, De Santis. First off, we have a project to finish. And whether you like it or not, I'm here. I'm here regardless of the fucking project. I'm here because I want to be. Fuck the past and the academic rivalry right now. I want to be your friend. Let me be your friend," he says. His crutch falls as he keeps his balance with the wall. He almost sounds desperate. "Why won't you let me be your friend?"

I couldn't speak. Couldn't get the words out to admit how much of a scared little girl I truly was. I had been trying to hide myself from everyone, including myself. This isn't okay. You can't be my friend because you're always making me feel like I'm not worth it. How do you tell your ex-boyfriend, enemy, rival, and now friend, that you're scared of keep coming last?

Pathetic, is what you are. Wiping the tears falling down my cheeks, I stay quite a few feet away from him. His phone rings and he picks it up. "Hello? Yeah, Leilani. I'm here, I'm just going to need more time," he says. He pauses as he listens in the other line. "I'm staying for the night. You, Rio, and Rowan go home. I've got her."

He hangs up, sliding his phone into his sweatpant pockets and limping over to the bed, slowly inching down onto it. He hisses to himself holding his knee before adjusting. Luca sighs, running a hand through his hair. "Come here," he says, angling his head towards his direction. I stand there like a little kid. Sighing in disbelief and annoyance, he pulls me over to him so I'm in front of him.

"I'm going to need you to lift your shirt for me, alright?" His voice is soft and gentle. My fingertips touch the hem of my week-old shirt as I warily glance at him, unsure what his intentions are. "Why?"

He turns me around so I'm facing away from him as he lifts my shirt to see all the bruises and everything that has collected up since the incident with Mia. He doesn't speak. Not a word. And although he isn't a man of many words, I know it isn't good. Because I know him. My heart races so much per second as the tips of his fingers dance around my back lightly. "I saw you with Charlotte," I say quietly, glancing over my shoulder. "I didn't know you spoke to her."

"We talked," he said. "Did you?" I ask. "Only speak? Nothing else?"

"Nothing else, De Santis. Only you," he mutters. "Always you." I'm going to ignore that statement for the near future.