Cracks beneath the surface || Kiyotaka x Shiro

True courage

POV: Shiro

Today was the day. The day of a new beggining for me. Once I was in the school grounds, I would recieve a chance at being "myself". Despite being able to enjoy the ride on the bus in peace, my heart was beating out of its chest.

How wierd, but how expected.

It wasn't always like this for me. To be fearful or anxious towards anything. Rather, my prominating courage to press on despite any challanges was always the key to my survival. Or was it truly courage if I didn't have any fear to begin with? 

Emotions - I like to belive I didn't have any of these up until the day I left that place. In the same situation as I am now, when faced with a fear so great it captivates all of your existance, you can truly understand just how much you haven't felt till now. Only by understanding  what you don't have can you truly grasp and hold it.

That's why I want to hold it all. Hold and never let go of everything I didn't have. My happiness. My emotions. My desires. My freedom. It's because I didn't have any of these I can now truly experience them. And I have to tell you, it's a liberating feeling.

But I am still trapped. Only by escaping that place can I truly achive my goal. Leaving my prison will not be as simple as the tasks I solved months ago, when I applied to this school. The reason I am here, in an enviorment so focused on progress and success despite my feelings and worries is exactly for the same reason I escaped that place. I can learn more here. And by learning here, I know I can change myself. Will my condition better itself, or will such school reopen my wounds; even I don't know that.

Perphaps that is the reason for my fear. But isn't that proof that I improved?

Oh, while I was monologuing to myself a commotion related to a student from ANHS broke out. 
The bus was filled with freshmen and it looked like they also noticed the commotion. No, it's more like the commotion has already captivated everyone's attention except mine... great job.

With my last joking remark, I finally listened in on what the people arguing had to say. Well, it seemed that it was already over...

"I see. I'm sorry for my actions. Anyone! Please, would you consider giving this old lady your seat?"

The schoolgirl suddenly shouted out and I finally understood the problem. It seemed that the whole argument was about the old lady not having a place to seat on. What an insignificant bother - but I guess I can be the one to solve it.

Could this be classified as my first good deed as a highschool student? It's not like it's my first time doing stuff like this, but I guess it carries more weight overall... Eh, I'll take this win with a smile. So, I stood up.

"Ah, excuse me for being so late. I was daydreaming and haven't noticed the situation at hand. Please, the old lady can take my seat."

Trying my hardest to sound normal, I let some of the shame I felt from not noticing it beforehand flow into my words. They say that a lie repeated enough times becomes a truth - for now it will be my way of achieving normalcy.

Well, that is fine for my debut, is it. Hopefully I managed to make a good impression - oh, how about striking up a conversation with that brave girl. Maybe we will hit it off. Imagine if we are classmates - that would be a great start to a friendship!

Filled with minor excitment regarding my new school life, I was about to say something to her, but I heard a voice say my name. A voice so calm and serene, yet cold at the same time. The voice, while it was inexcusabily beautiful, carried a level of sadness only a mind like my own could understand.