"In the wake of her father's devastating car crash, Estrella's life is turned upside down. Alone and adrift, she's forced to confront the harsh reality of her mother's emotional abuse. Her mother's sole focus is on the men she brings into their home...
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Today is the first day back to school and I'm utterly unprepared. I haven't ironed my uniform or got money to pay for lunch. But it is only 03:23 AM, so I'm pretty sure I can get myself ready before 07:40 AM. I stand up and go to the mirror to tidy myself up when thoughts start racing through my mind, making me feel dizzy. Then, I feel it coming - a familiar feeling deep in my chest.
I can't breathe.
What if nobody likes you?
Stop.
What if everyone makes fun of the fact that your dad is dead?
Stop.
What if they know that it's your fault?
STOP!
The words "all your fault" echo through my head, and my chest tightens in response. I wince in pain. I bring a shaky hand to my chest to try and rub away the feeling. I take slow breaths and say to myself, "Estrella respiraciones lentas.".
But it doesn't work. It never does. My throat hurts, and I feel my lungs screaming at me to take more breaths, but I can't - something is stopping me. I reach under my bed and bring a ring box. But it's not filled with rings. It's filled with my only relief; a blade.
I count the cuts now there, fresh on my wrist. Five, I say to myself. Five cuts. It's 4 o'clock now, and I need to iron my school uniform. As I stand up to reach for the iron on my desk, I see a silhouette in the window.
It looks like a boy, and I think he's on a run. I glance away from him and back at the iron, but when I look back, he's gone. I shake my limbs and ignore what I've just seen and pass it off as paranoia.
I, again, reach for the iron, grabbing it and my school uniform to iron. There's a black skirt, a pair of white long socks, a black jumper, and a white inside shirt.
After about ten minutes, I've finished and have set out my clothes on my bed. I sit down on my bed just to think and contemplate how I'm going to lay out my day, and no sé por qué (I don't know why) I feel like bursting into tears. I feel so much anger and hate and blame, and it feels like it's going to explode out of me any second now.
I want to scream and cry and jump (preferably off a bridge) and hurt myself, and I just want all these feelings to stop.
