Lavender Haze

Chapter 25

After spending the morning with my mother, I head to my office. I stop at Blooming Wild on my way to bring Rafael and Dan coffee, and my best friend decides to take a break from cutting rose stems to take a walk with me, leaving my brother in charge of the shop. Daniel is not thrilled, which elicits a small smile on my lips.

"What's wrong?" Raf asks, as we stroll down to my office. The hair and lack of makeup are a dead giveaway something's up with me, I know, but I'm positive had I wore a sequin dress, fake lashes and carnival beads around my neck, Rafael would have still been able to see right through me. That's the problem with BFFs: they read you too easily, whether you want them to or not.

"Lorraine?" he guesses. The weather has been relentlessly terrible today, just like my mood, gusts of wind nearly knocking me off me feet. As if it wasn't enough, the sleep deprivation makes me jumpy, and I flinch with every horn being aggressively honked on the street, every cuss carried out by the frigid wind. It's a relief when we make it to our destination and I can leave the outside world behind.

I unlock the door of my office and step inside, Rafael trailing after me. I shrug my coat off. "Did you know my father was engaged to another woman when he got with my mom?"

Rafael follows my lead, peeling his jacket off and throwing it on the couch. "Did he?"

"Apparently. Her name was Kelly. Well, I mean, her name still is Kelly. I think she's alive? I don't know" – I shrug – "They were together in high school."

"And that's what's upsetting you?" Rafael asks, knitting his brows.

"No." I inelegantly plonk on the couch, not even bothering to pretend I'm a graceful woman. "I quit."

Rafael's face scrunches in more confusion. "So you're in withdrawal. Sugars? Carbs? Alcohol?"

I shake my head. "River." Which was an addiction on its own, way unhealthier than sugar and alcohol. More toxic, more addictive.

"River," Rafael echoes. "You quit River. What does that – oh." He blinks down at me, hazel eyes growing wide with understanding. "You quit the job?" I nod, vision blurring with unshed tears. "Reid." My best friend plops on the sofa by my side, takes my hand in his while still holding his to-go caramel latte. "What happened?"

"We kissed," I admit, and my stomach not only bottoms out, but completely detaches from my body and flees to Mexico to live its best life. "Last night. After everything that happened with mom – I just felt so shitty. And I cancelled my meeting with River and Mila, and after I did, River texted me, asking me if I needed someone to drink with. And – you know me, I'm so stupid – so I told him to meet me at the Strawberry Bank – and I guess that's another place I'll never be able to go back to, just like La Bodega – and we drank and talked and then" – I heave a deep sigh – "I invited him to my place. Not to" – I wrinkle my nose – "You know, but just because I wasn't ready to go home and be alone with my thoughts and the memory of my day. And then I had a total meltdown, which led to River confessing he did remember me from Cassie's wedding – and that she was the reason why a potential relationship never took off – and said all these sweet, beautiful things about me, and I – God, I kissed him, Raf. I kissed him." I clutch my face in my free hand. "I'm such a stupid idiot." I shake my head. "So I had no choice but to quit. Because I'm in love with him. And I couldn't go through with this charade. Not anymore. Not after he told me he had feelings, too – or an approximation of feelings." I unclasp my face and look up at Rafael. I'm so glad he let me spill it all out without interrupting me. But that's the thing. He knows me so well. Had he just stopped me to sneeze, I would have clammed up and pretended what I was talking about was inconsequential.

"Okay." Rafael blinks. "There's a lot to unpack here."

"Yeah," I croak.

"First order of business: Cassie's wedding? He remembers about that?"