It's Complicated

Chapter 3: The Longing

The next day, I woke up in the evening and my body still felt tired. But I had the energy to see all the videos and photos that we clicked. I was excited to post them on social media, my first visit to the Laalbagh. As I scrolled through the WhatsApp group that Hanish had created between the 4 of us to share all the pictures and videos, my excitement vanished on seeing the videos. I had no pictures with Ashwin. Only a few couple poses with Hanish, and that annoyed me. None of my solo pictures were worth posting. Either the angle made me look weird or the videos was shaky.

I cried internally, threw my phone away, and made a cup of tea for my evening snack. As I sat back to scroll through Instagram, I saw Ashwin's post where he had already edited and posted a reel on the Ganpati festival.

So quick! And the editing is so smooth and clean!

"Beautiful!" I commented on his video.

Looking at his creativity, and the perfect sync of various video clips to the beats of the music, I was impressed by his creativity. But then, I also felt the FOMO and again checked my videos to see if anything could be posted. But again, I didn't like any of them. Disappointed, I uploaded a reel from my drafts with a quote and a piece of trending music.

You are thankful to the ones who hurt you and made you anew!

I hoped this quote would bring a good number of views. In the next few minutes, I saw Ashwin had liked my reel and also my comment on his post with a reply, "Thank you!"

I kept staring at that notification for a few seconds with a big smile. My breath turned shallow as if taking in the satisfaction of his attention and then opened his chats. I scrolled to the top and found the first conversation, "Ashwin! Hanish is not well!" I had messaged him a few weeks ago, "His parents are out, please take him to the doctor! I know he is not going to call anyone for help."

"Going right away!" he had replied.

Today as I think about this day, for a moment I doubted if I really cared for Hanish or if was it an excuse to talk to Ashwin.

An hour later, there were a few video calls that I had sadly missed. So, he had sent images of Hanish being checked up at the clinic, "He has been given the medicines, and will be fine soon!" he dropped a text. Then, a few days later, he had wished me for my birthday and soon we had started sharing memes.

I went through the funny memes that we had shared and chuckled internally. Keeping aside my phone, thinking about our moments together, walking on the Mumbai coast with Ashwin, I craved to meet him again. In the small dingy room of my apartment in Mumbai, I looked at the chipped cream walls, unwashed clothes spread around, broken charging wires, and biscuit jars kept on the side bed. My room needed cleaning but my mind raced with the thoughts of meeting him.

How do I make plans?

Every day I had been checking his stories, sharing memes and reels with him. His one small notification of liking my story or my message would bring an idiotic smile to my face. How such little things felt so special as if I was the only one whose story he liked.

Ofcourse not, Anika!

I sighed. I wished I could see his activities. I wished I could talk to him more, but I did not want to come out as clingy or desperate. I wished to meet him but it wasn't possible without Hanish joining us. Rather, I could make a plan only with Hanish where we called Ashwin along with us.

But wouldn't he mind becoming the third wheel? Ofcourse he is not the third wheel, no one is a couple here, but he will surely feel like that with us.