;vent writing˚✧₊⁎

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;  I over analyze a lot. Especially with relationship . I watch and hear about people and who they're dating at school including the guys I crush on, and I for some dumb reason analyze their type. I take note in my head if they like girls who show more skin or girls who hide themselves. It's a horrible habit of mine because not only does it make me feel not enough, I make assumptions and I'm always let down.

I had a crush on this popular guy and I would watch him in class and make sure to remember his favorite things. I knew he was aggressive and harsh, I've seen it. I've experienced it but I still had this hope that he isn't a bad guy, he's nice. How I was wrong. He makes fun of all the quiet girls and boys. He's a bully basically. And I remember being so disappointed. In him and myself. How could I let myself be infatuated with this selfish hog? (I still have a crush on him.)

And the thing I've learned about popular guys in my school, they'll talk bad about their ex's. Make everyone shit talk about their ex's. It's so saddening and I hate how I'm always let down by my crushes. This isn't the first time and I hate it. I want to love someone who won't switch up or hurt me. But it feels impossible. But it doesn't really matter, not one single guy has ever looked at me in any type of way. They only look at the girls who are just as bad as them. I have no chance at ever being with anybody because I'm too soft a s so fucking sensitive. I hate how I am ngl. I wanna toughen up but I js can't.🤷‍♀️