Inhaler imagines

falling behind - RK

The stress from overdue coursework and upcoming exams was killing me, I had 7 overdue essays/assignments. All for English and History. I was so burnt out, but I couldn't give up. I needed to get these done. I had no choice, all of them would make up some of my final grade. The last week I had spent in my apartment, not speaking to anyone, trying to catch up on these essays and random little assignments my lecturers had given me. I was working myself crazy, I was 99% sure not a word had come out of my mouth since Monday. when I last saw my boyfriend, Robert. He was overhelping me with a maths assignment I was struggling with. He was the last person I had spoken to before shutting myself away from the world. I didn't even know what day it was, all I know is I've been working on this day and night. I couldn't help but struggle, I loved history, but god could it be difficult. English was a whole other thing, I struggled the most with English, never being able to wrap my head around proper grammar. it was jarring when I couldn't understand the words used in essays, as my brain lacked knowledge of the meanings. Right now, I am working on a history essay, The Plague. I struggled the most with this one, not grasping the timeline at all. the flashcards I had for it were everywhere, all over my desk, my floor and even my bed. I picked one up, trying to find a date for when it all started. the once easily read handwriting, now all squiggly lines on the card. I blinked and rubbed my eyes, and it was still the same. why could I suddenly not read? I picked up a different card, thinking maybe it was a random card I doodled on, but not the same thing. I threw the cards down and slammed my Macbook shut out of frustration. I went to the bathroom and splashed my face with water, trying to distract myself for a moment. I heard someone at my door and sighed in annoyance. opening the door, I'm greeted with a warm smile from Robert. "hey stranger, not spoken in almost a week." he says walking into the apartment, embracing me in a hug after I close the door. "sorry I've been m.I.a, I've been trying to catch up with those assignments and shit." I say as I relax into his hug. taking in his scent, a scent I missed so much and hadn't even realised. "that's alright, I've just missed ye. Have ye been giving yourself breaks and whatnot?" he asks, as his hands make their way up and down my back, "yes but no, I stop for showers, occasional meals, and sleep. I need to get these done Rob, I just can't do it tho. I struggle so much on them" I sigh, saying that I realised I hadn't taken as many breaks as I should've. "you need to give yourself more breaks, not just for sleep, shower and meals. you're gonna overdo it and not be able to do it. how about you take a break for the rest of the day, and we can have a movie day or something." he says taking my hand and leading me to the living room. "I can't Rob I would love to but I can't I need to get these finished" Rob looks at me like I'm crazy, "Darlin you need a break, from what I can tell you haven't spoken to anyone since Monday. how many assignments do you have left?" "3 if we count the one I'm working on right now, the only reason I stopped is that all the words looked squiggly" Rob places his hands on my shoulders and presses his lips against my shoulder blade. "Why Is uni so stressful," I say in annoyance, tears now threatening to fall from my eyes. "you've overwhelmed yourself," he says softly, his left hand making its way down to my waist and wrapping around my torso. he was right tho, I had overwhelmed myself. I pushed myself over my limit, determined to catch up on everything. I felt my cheeks burn from the tears that left my eyes, I bit my lip to stop myself from sobbing. the sobs still managed to escape my lips, I didn't want to have a breakdown, it was the last thing I needed. "oh sweetheart, come on" the sympathy prominent in his voice, he turned me round so I could hug him. I hated crying in front of people, it made me look weak. I hated being vulnerable in front of others no matter what. it was my least favourite thing. I wrapped my arms around Rob, hugging him tighter than I ever had before like he was going to go fight a war and not come back or something. he placed soft kisses on my head, his hand playing with my hair. "shh it's okay, you'll get them finished. you just need some rest my love" he says, voice just above a whisper, sending tingles down my spine. "I feel so stupid, I can't use proper grammar, the large words fuck with my head. I've fallen behind and it's my fault" I say, trying not to sob again. My eyes meet Rob, concern evident in his stare. "you're smart, you just haven't found the right way for these things to stick in your head, that's all. and it's not your fault you've fallen behind, your lecturers are setting you more than you can do. you're trying your best, and that's all that matters. don't beat yourself up over it, it's not worth it" his thumb wipes the tears off my face, "I'm sorry" is all I can think to say, "for what" "I didn't speak to you for almost a week, and the first conversation we have is me having a full-on break down" I say looking down at our feet. "don't be silly, I know you're stressed. now come on let's go get snacks and shit for pasta later and then we can watch a movie" Tapping my nose. "sounds like a plan" I say with a smile, earning one back from him. What did I do to deserve him?

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1063 words 🤩

exam season is killing me so instead of studying I write this shit 🎀
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