Dark hallway. Late at night. I sit with my white skirt flowing around me and my legs tucked underneath me, wondering how I got here. I look around. Nothing recognizable. A row of lockers to my right, a poster advertising prom tickets to my left. Everything seems to be in black and white but I know its not real. The lack of color is a hallucination. I stand up slowly and the world starts spinning. This is the third time this week.
I walk toward the door trying to think of the last logical thing I remember and as I'm getting to the front door, my senses finally catch up with me. My high school, around midnight and I passed out. Again. I try not to cry but the tears roll down my face knowing that I could have done it again. The first time was hard enough but I don't think I could recover emotionially if I ever did it again.
I sit in my car for a while trying to calm down then I start it up and drive home. By the time I finally get into my driveway, its 1:16 and my mother is still sitting on the couch passed out with a few empty bottles next to her. I go back to bed and try to sleep.
All too early, my alarm clock goes off and I drag myself out of bed and into the bathroom. My makeup is all over my face and my hair is standing straight up some spots because of all the hairspray left over from yesterday.
When I finally finish getting ready, I sneak back down stairs. My mom is in the kitchen looking in the fridge mumbling to herself. I lightly run through the front door so she doesn't notice me.
Walking through the front doors of the school, I go into shrink mode. I let my hair fall around my face and look down, closely studying the feet around me so I don't trip or run into anything. I hear the familiar sound of my old friends gossiping and giggling as I walk by. The yelling and shuffling of feet of everyone walking around me.
In first period there's a sub again and he drones on about introductions while I space off. I'm staring at the back of Tyler Penn's head thinking about how gorgeous he is when suddenly that beautiful face of his turns to me. I snap out of my daze really quickly and realize that half the class is staring at me as the teacher repeats my name.
"Rosaline?" He looks up and follows everyone's eyes before looking at me expectantly. I raise my hand and blush deeply while everyone turns back around, a few people coughing to cover up little laughs. Tyler turns around last, his dark blue eyes catching mine as he goes.
The bell finally rings and as I turn to bolt out the door like I always do, someone catches my arm. I turn to glare at them but I melt a little when I look up and see those ocean deep blue eyes staring into mine.
"Have you been feeling okay?" He gets just a little closer and the little focus I have left flies out the window. Its been 8 months since I talked to him and I forgot how piercing his eyes could make his words seem.
I stutter for a second then blink a few times and my head starts to clear. "Why would you ask me that?"
He lets me go. "Because I know you, Ros. About what happened-"
"We are not talking about that here. Goodbye." I leave as fast as I can.
-
I flop onto my bed as soon as I get home. I'm about to fall asleep when my phone vibrates for the first time in weeks. I flip it over to find a text message and my interest piques.
Tyler. Again.
I know its been hard but talk to me. Its been too long Ros.
I consider ignoring it. What business does he have just walking back into my life again? I don't have much time to think about it because I hear another glass bottle hitting the wall, smashing and landing on the floor. A scream follows shortly after.
I sit straight up on my bed and wait for the smashing to end. It takes about 20 minutes but eventually, it does. Then comes the tears. I can hear her scream into a pillow, muffled sobs coming up through my floorboards. I lay back down and cover my face with a pillow muffling my own tears, knowing that I'm the one causing my mother's.
When her tears finally end, I go downstairs and see her passed out, curled up in a ball in the corner of our messy living room. I get out the broom and start to sweep up the broken glass around her, ignoring the smell of alcohol in the warm air. I pick up all the books on the ground and pull the pillow and blanket off the couch. I put the pillow under her head, put the blanket around her, kiss her forehead and whisper in her ear, "I'm sorry mama. It'll be okay for everyone soon."
I walk back up to my room with tears in my eyes, lock the door and hope for a restful night.
-
I glance at the clock on the dash. 3:54 am.
I slam the palm of my hand against the steering wheel and start bawling. I did it again. I don't know how to handle it so I dial the first number on my speed dial. It rings a few times.
"Hello?" A groggy voice answers.
"Ty, I really really need to talk to you right now and I'm so sorry its so late I jus-"
"Rosaline, calm down. Where are you?"
