Side Effects |a Sebastian Sallow story|

Like We Used To

Content Warning: Alcohol use

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The past few days had been stressful for Kathryn, it felt like some things had been explained but at the same time nothing at all. She had some answers about concerns regarding her friends but yet had so many more questions. Sebastian missing seven months of memory was deeply concerning, and Ominis seemed like he wanted to say much more to her than he did. 

Not to mention there was still no explanation for the heated moment in the supply closet and Kathryn felt like she might rip her own hair out with frustration. The Sallow boy had a tendency to always drag her into things and then when she had questions, it always seemed to be pushed off until later. Part of Kathryn was hating herself for allowing it to happen in the first place but another part secretly hoped it would happen again. The part of herself that was hidden deep inside that craved affection, to feel wanted, desired. Kathryn was always needed, but never for affection. Always errands or quests people sent her on. 

Kathryn sometimes wondered why everyone seemed to want her to be the one to go to a vendor to buy some obscure plant, or go into the forest to collect mushrooms. One time a lady even asked her to take down a troll and then had the audacity to get mad at her for it. Kathryn started to question why the aurors nearby never handled these things and it had to be a child. Just because her father was a well accomplished and respected auror didn't mean Kathryn wanted to be. 

She wanted to be a Mediwizard, or maybe a Magizoologist. Kathryn had a knack for healing and always felt proud of herself for tending to the wounds on the beasts she'd rescue or helping out in the infirmary by supplying the nurse with healing potions. Kathryn was quite good at brewing those. 

But Kathryn wanted to feel more than just needed. She didn't have a lot of romantic experience but she was by no means pure. During one of her pity parties in Sixth Year, she was joined by her friend Isaac Cooper and they had shared a bottle of wine he stole from the kitchens. Together they drank and shared vulnerabilities and desires, leading to a very drunken decision that caused new revelations for the both of them. Kathryn discovered she was trying to fill a hole in her heart with the wrong person and Isaac discovered he definitely did not like girls. 

                                                                                          ☼

"Was I really that bad?" Kathryn gasped, pulling the blanket up to cover her bare chest.

Isaac flinched, "No!" he shouted quickly, "No, no. Not at all. You were great actually, I just think girls are not for me. I just...I think I felt pressured by my parents to fit all these standards of who they want me to be and then I just pressure myself to fit all these expectations of who I should be. And then you know, you and I are good friends, great friends even. So the logical next step would have been...you know. But now I feel shite because I don't think I was being honest with myself. Don't get me wrong, I don't regret it and I never will, but I don't think I can lie anymore." his voice got quiet by the end, bringing his hands up to wipe away a stray tear that fell.

Kathryn was quiet for a moment before reaching her hand over his, lacing their fingers together. "It's okay, I know what you mean. I don't regret it either and I also wasn't being fair to you."

The Hufflepuff boy looked over at her, head resting on the pillow and his dark hair plastered across his forehead, wet with sweat. "I know." he smirked, eyes shining in mischief. "You whispered his name under your breath, I elected to ignore it because you said mine out loud." 

Completely mortified, Kathryn shrieked and then buried her red face into her hands. "Oh Merlin! No I didn't. Please tell me you're joking. Je ne peux pas croire que j'ai fait ça" she cried, wishing the ground would open up and swallow her whole.