you ran your hand through your hair, the words you had previously practiced caught in your throat. the mere sight of him was overwhelming, almost suffocating. jungwon's eyes glazed over with tears and his face flushed with a pink tinge. he attempted to blink the tears away but to no avail as they kept slipping down his warm cheeks.
"is that really what you want?" his voice quavered, as if he were attempting to conceal the pain he felt. his gaze was fixated on you, as it always seemed to be. even then, you could still feel the gentle tenderness and warmth his eyes always presented.
"i think so," you mattered, uncertainty laced your voice now that you stood in front of him. you couldn't bring yourself to meet his eyes, the guilt of the situation eating away at you. if you had looked at those solemn eyes, you knew you'd fall right back into his arms. that warm embrace you now desperately long for.
regret consumed you as the months followed. within each moment of each day, the desperation for his presence, his touch, ate you up and spat you out. it was a sickness. staying in your room for days on end as the depression kept coming back to slap you in the face with heavy hands.
the thought that you cut off the only thing keeping you together, keeping you sane, it killed you like a disease. you regretted it. it was your fault. you let the insecurities dissect you, pick you apart. the thought that you would never be good enough. the thought that you'd never be perfect enough. the thought that you would never be capable of giving him the love like he deserved. the thought that if you'd stuck around, he'd realize all of this. and he'd be the one to leave instead.
now you watch as he walks with her, holding her hand with a gentle smile gracing his lips. you see the way he smiles at her witty jokes and finds her cute laugh endearing. the way his eyebrows crinkle as he laughs when she takes unexpected photos of him. the way they share their drinks, and he willingly offers his to her if she prefers it. all reminiscent of the things you used to do. before you ruined everything.
