"Mujhe jhelna mushkil hai nader," she said with a smile while her gaze was fixed on the table.
("It's difficult to tolerate me, Nader")
"Main jhel lunga," I replied.
("I'll manage")
She looked up towards me, then continued.
"Mai khubsurat nahi ho...
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"Bhai? You here?" Samir asked me with great surprise as he saw me entering the club.
"Why? Am I banned from coming here?" I asked him sternly.
"N-no, you had stopped coming, so I thought--"
"What did you think?" I interrupted him, taking a cigarette in my hand.
"That you might have changed?" Samir said in a low voice.
"And you're the one saying this, Samir?" I taunted him.
He didn't say anything further and got up from the couch to go sit with other people.
But here I am... why am I feeling troubled?
I don't even know why I came here. But when I took the first step to enter the club, why did everything feel so unfamiliar? I've been coming here for years, so why does everything feel wrong today? What is happening to me? And why is all this happening to me? And for what reason... Is it all because of her?
Why do I like hearing her talk about Allah, why do I find her pure love for Allah so appealing? The same Allah I am so distant from? Then why do I keep thinking about that very Allah?
That woman even prayed to her Allah for me, and how can I tell her that I am not the person she thinks I am?
When I found out that she wasn't opening the door, why did I first pray to her Allah for her safety? Why did I utter "Ya Allah" when I saw her unconscious? Why did "Shukr Allah" come out of my mouth when I saw her open her eyes? I had never asked anything from Allah before. So, what happened to me yesterday?
Who is changing me? Uns or Allah? And why am I changing?
Sitting on a couch in the club with my head in my hands, I was searching for answers to my questions when I sensed her fragrance of jasmine. Before I could understand anything---
"Aziz," her soft voice echoed in my ears.
I slowly removed my hands from my head, lifted my eyes, and... there she was, standing in front of me.
I wished it was a dream. I closed my eyes, hoping that when I opened them, everything would disappear, or I would enter another dream. But when I opened my eyes, she was the only one I could see; everything else seemed to have disappeared.
At this moment, in this place, she stood in front of me, not blinking, just looking at me, and I kept looking at her.
"U... Uns," came my broken voice. But, still she didn't respond.
"You've been lying to me this whole time, Aziz?" her broken voice came through.
My words seemed to stuck in my throat; I was unable to say anything except her name.
Receiving no answer from me, she turned and started walking towards the door.
And I just stood there like a stone, watching her leave, unable to say anything.
