"Mujhe jhelna mushkil hai nader," she said with a smile while her gaze was fixed on the table.
("It's difficult to tolerate me, Nader")
"Main jhel lunga," I replied.
("I'll manage")
She looked up towards me, then continued.
"Mai khubsurat nahi ho...
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"Have you not thought about us even once? He betrayed you, he kept you in the dark, and you're punishing yourself for all of this, Uns?" Ezzeh began to speak with great displeasure as I listened in silence.
One night had passed since I arrived in America from India, and that night was nothing short of a torment.
After struggling to sleep following the Fajr prayer, I was awakened by Ezzeh's call at noon. When I answered the call, Ezzeh started expressing her anger.
"But there's one thing I don't understand. I agree that he doesn't believe in religion, but Aziz Nader is a very good person. Why are you doing all this? What has happened to you, Uns?" Ezzeh asked with even more displeasure.
"Is it just because he betrayed you?" Ezzeh asked, not giving me a chance to answer.
"He didn't betray me, Ezzeh," I said her after few minutes of silence.
"Then?" Ezzeh asked in a confused voice.
"Because of fear," I said with great patience.
"Fear? Fear of what?" Ezzeh's voice was even more confused this time.
"Fear that my Allah might become even more displeased with me," I began.
"I agree that Aziz is a very good person, but I prayed to Allah for a good Muslim man along with being a good person. Aziz Nader is a good person, but he is not a good Muslim.
If I stay there, I'll keep remembering him, and it's possible that in his memory, I might cry all day and night, and i don't want it" I expressed my helplessness in front of her.
A tear fell from my cheek onto my hand. I looked at that drop, which had come in his memory.
"But Uns, you could have explained it to him?" Ezzeh asked another question.
"How could I explain him Ezzeh? How? How could I tell him that the person I loved so deeply is a non-believer? I saw a cigarette in his hand, he smokes Ezzeh, it's obvious that he drinks too.
How could I explain to such a person that it's forbidden in Islam? That Allah has not allowed us to consume this? Should I have said that to him?"
She didn't respond to my question. There was complete silence for two minutes. No one said anything.
"Then forget him," Ezzeh said in a harsh tone after a long silence.
"Mushkil hai," I said, trying to hold myself together with a broken voice.
"You can't love him, you can't forget him, so what are you planning to do, hate him?" Ezzeh said angrily.
