How to get paid for being depressed.

Cry during business hours and get paid for your depression.

In our modern, capitalist society, happiness can sometimes feel like a luxury reserved for those who can afford it. But fear not! Here's a hilarious guide on how to navigate the highs and lows of capitalism while maintaining a semblance of sanity (and maybe even happiness).

Master the Art of Weekend Distractions:

Weekends are sacred in capitalist society, reserved for relaxation and rejuvenation, right? Wrong! Instead, embrace the art of distraction. Binge-watch that new Netflix series, indulge in retail therapy, or lose yourself in a bottomless brunch. Remember, the more you distract yourself, the less time you have to dwell on the existential dread of your weekday existence.

Develop Your Work Persona:

Ever heard the phrase, "Fake it 'til you make it"? Well, in the capitalist world, it's more like "Fake it 'til you break it (or until retirement)." Develop a work persona that exudes confidence and enthusiasm, even if inside you're secretly contemplating the meaninglessness of it all. Remember, a smile can be your best camouflage.

Utilize the Power of Caffeine:

Coffee isn't just a beverage; it's a lifeline in the capitalist jungle. Harness the power of caffeine to fuel your productivity during those long, soul-crushing meetings. Plus, the jittery buzz might just distract you from the impending sense of doom.

Find Joy in the Small Victories:

In a world where success is often measured by productivity and profit margins, find joy in the small victories. Did you successfully navigate the office politics minefield? Treat yourself to a chocolate bar from the vending machine. Did you manage to leave work on time? Congratulations, you've won the capitalist lottery!

Embrace the Side Hustle:

Why settle for one job when you can have two, three, or ten? Embrace the side hustle culture and monetize your hobbies. Whether it's selling homemade crafts on Etsy or driving for a rideshare service on weekends, every dollar earned is a step closer to financial freedom (or at least a slightly larger apartment in the city).

Laugh in the Face of Existential Dread:

When all else fails, laugh. Laugh at the absurdity of it all. Laugh at the irony of spending your days chasing money just to afford the things that are supposed to make you happy.

And most importantly, laugh at the sheer audacity of a system that expects you to be a happy slave.

Remember, happiness in a capitalist society is a balancing act.

So don't cry during weekends; cry during business hours and get paid for your depression.

After all, it's just another day in the wild world of capitalism!